Ashes to Cinders
by elnochesesmuybonito
Summary: Take one crazy eighteen year old boy, throw in the daughter of the devil, add a princess with a personality disorder, multiply by one crazy best friend and her crush and what do you get? Ethan's world. *warning* Language and...inuendos.
1. Boy or Girl

**Ashes to Cinders**

**Prologue- Boy or Girl?**

**-Ethan-**

_Ounce upon a time there was a beautiful young woman name Cinderella. _

_The woman had shining hair and brilliant blue eyes that always seemed to glow with light. But that light flickered, faded and then died. _

_Her father soon remarried a woman that had two step daughters. Cinderella thought that the woman was very kind and pushed her father to marry her, she never realized how wrong she was. _

_Her stepmother was evil and spiteful because her daughters were not as beautiful as Cinderella, but she could not do anything. _

_One day Cinderella's father died. _

_The step mother took her chance. She forced Cinderella to do all of the house work and to be the person slave to here and her daughters. _

_Cinderella's life was misery until one fateful night an invitation to the ball that the prince was having came in the mail. Cinderella worked hard on her dress and then her chores later that day so she could go. _

_But when she was ready her evil stepsister tore her dress apart. Her dreams broken Cinderella fled to the gardens where her fairy godmother caught up tot her. The fairy gave Cinderella an impressive carriage and a beautiful dress. _

_Cinderella went to the ball and danced with her prince. _

_But at the stroke of twelve she rushed out of the castle, leaving her shoe on the steps. The prince found the shoe and order every maiden in the village to try it on. _

_Cinderella's stepmother locked her up in the top room and lied when the Duke asked if anyone else was in the house. _

_Just then Cinderella appeared, as the glass shoe broke. _

_From her apron she pulled the other one and placed it on her foot. The next day Cinderella and the prince were married and they lived happily ever after…_Yeah that was a load of shit!

Okay so before you put this down and say to yourself "why the hell did I pick this up?" hear me out!

First off, that is the wrong story! Now, listen to me! I'm not done!

Second, I'm Cinderella, okay so not really, I'm Ethan. The sad sucker the story was based on. Okay I know what you're thinking, what the hell is a boy doing claiming to be Cinderella? Well, see how this fairly tale got started is that Walt Disney(although he will NEVER admit it) with the help of area 51(with all of the aliens and stuff, but I'm vague on the details-I do live in a different universe after all-) traveled to my universe, ran into me and asked me to tell him my life's story. I know that you are now currently thinking "why the hell would he want to talk to you? You crazy son of a biscuit-head?" well that comes later! So now that you know that I'm a boy, my name(Ethan people! Not Cinderella-ETHAN!!) and how Disney came up with "Cinderella", we will move onto what I was saying before I was aware that you had no idea what was going on.

Third, my Mother and Father are still alive.

Fourth, the Prince is actually a Princess, and fifth, I have an evil step mother and two evil step brothers! Make sense?

All right, so since I am dieing, right now at this very moment! I have decided to write down the truth. I am dieing form a gold fish bite(more on that later!) and I decided that everyone should know the truth….

**OxoXoxOxoXoxOX**

**A/N Hello people! I got some advice form one of the nice people that read my story! So I went back and I edited it because, in truth looking at theses paragraphs gave me a headache and I though that they did the same for you! So here you go better than ever and edited! So I know that this was short and not a lot was explained, well it was Ethan style, which is not very good! So a friendly reminder: review if you have any ideas that could possibly improve this story farther!(theses thingies will possibly be shorter too!)**


	2. Ethan's Family

By the way my people! my friend Nicole and i are writing this together! we are currently trying to figure out what to put her stuff in right now it is between **_bold itatlic _**and just plain _italic!!_ but the problem will soon be fixed! sorry for interupting the flow of things! :D

**Ashes to Cinders**

**Chapter One: Ethan's Family(current and not so current)**

**NONE of the characters reflect my opinion on any topic that may or may not offend you- the reader!**

**-Ethan-**

So, we will begin like any other fairy tale- where it all started: the parents.

My mother's name is/was Janice and my father's name is/was Allen.

Dad came from a very well bred family.

Wanna take a stab at where he grew up? Las Vegas... Yep you heard right! Las Vegas!

Threw me for a loop too. A well bred family comin' out of Vegas, who would have thought?

My father must have been extremely handsome back in the day to catch my mother. You know, like the heart-throb muscular knight every kingdom has (and I definitely followed in his footsteps! how do you think I caught the princess? Wink-wink).

I have herd that I looked exactly like him-black hair, green eyes(I sound like Harry Potter!! Minus the glasses, scar and awesome magic!!).

So my dad went to Dutchyland, on business. He went to the bakery-and low and behold Janice liked him so much that she renounced her non-sluty ways and seduced my dear old dad.

So when she found out that she was pregnant (third one in four years) she forced him into holy matrimony.

Yeah I know that sounds all grand and stuff, happy ending and all, but there is a twist, of course!

They thought that I was a girl for six months, then they figured it out. Hey! I didn't say they were the brightest!

Now my mtoher's story: my mother was the most wanted girl in her city.

And with the description everyone gives me of her, I can tell why!

She had auburn hair, and big blue eyes that were the picture of innocence. Somewhat like your so called "Cinderella". But to call my mom innocent would be a lie.

She grew up in the city- Old Pork.

She was a waitress at the local pub from the age of 14 to 17. Oh and to make matters worse, it was a topless pub. You can see where she made her money!

So it probably wouldn't surprise you for me to say she got knocked up like twice. That's dear ole' mom!

From that came my two half brothers and/ or a sister in the world.

When she was 17 she renounced her life (why I have no idea! I'm a party person too!) and moved to the next kingdom near by- Dutchyland- there she became a helper in the local bakery.

And a year later she met my father.

My mom supposedly died when I was four...

Okay... another lie about mom... Dear old mommy ran away to good old fabulous Vegas and is probably getting knocked up by some bartender... She didn't even bother to bring me...not good for my self esteem... Sniff. Pity me... Okay, I'm alright! Back to the story! Sniff.

So my dad become broke quickly, drowning his sorrows.

He tried to sell me to that child eating witch, to some scientist he even tried Pied(the Pied Piper)!! But he couldn't get rid of me.

Maybe I reminded him of mom or something (-laughs nervously- But how is that possible? I look like my dad! I did tell you that right?).

So he remarried an evil bitch(who is actually Satin's daughter-I read her diary- and she has a tail poking out of her ass and horns out of her non existent brain!).

She hid these things from my father-like that was necessary.

He faked his death like two days after the wedding and ran of to Vegas. Probably looking for mom, again, and I was left behind, again. Sniff...

I know this because he send me postcards incognito from all of the places he visits.

Yeah so I got stuck doing the chores!

And let me tell you something-when you're a guy- you don't give a shit, and you DO NOT want to mess with Satin's daughter! Trust me, she has connections!

Now the step brothers they are a funny story- they are gay! I seriously asked them about it once.

"Hey are you guys gay?" I asked 'em(they were fighting over shoes!)

"NO!" responded step brother one.

"Just because we like rainbows, clothes, shoes, min-pedies and randomly wear speedos doesn't mean we are gay!" said step brother 2.

Now those two, where to start? They wear pastels, and girls underwear, but their mother doesn't know, she thinks that they are perfect and gonna get the princess, she's not worried about me because I'm covered in ashes all of the time! Fun!

Okay so my step brothers names are: number one Olga, and number two; Helga and my step moms name is Mildred. I know-weird right?

They thought that the guys were girls(I shouldn't be laughing, considering… but at least my name didn't stick, yup).

Poor guys, thank heaven my parents figured out I was a guy before they named me something like Molly and put me in some frilly, polka-dot, pastel pink dress!

Okay, so now that we know about my childhood and the whores that I am un-proud to call parents and the Spawn of Satin (literally) that I call a step mother we shall move on to when the whole fairy tale starts.

(OH FUN FACT TIME!! Did you know the devil's name is Edvard? Weird huh? I thought that it was Lucifer…guess I was wrong! Okay fun fact time over.)

Fairy tale time!

It all started like any other day: I was down in the kitchen making breakfast(by the way I'm like 17, so I have years of practice).

The bell rang and Olga's voice came to me.

"Ethaleen! Bring me my breakfast! NOW!!" he screeched.I sighed and stacked up the trays and headed up the stairs. Yeah okay about the whole Ethaleen thing. I'm not allowed to wear just a pants and a shirt. Your know those little skimpy maid outfits? The black an white ones? Yeah well, lets just say I have come to now those very well. I look pretty good in it too according to Olga (it was all his idea! he says I look good in black and white...shudder)

Ahhh Olga- you take a guess about what he looks like... frizzy brown hair, and a mole above the lips lets not forget the uni-brow, the spiting image of his brother, Helga.

Next to Mildred/Spawn of The DEVIL!!

"Ethan, you need to wash the dishes, sweep the floors, clean up the boys room, wash the carriage and horses and then do laundry."

"Okay Mildred." see that's where I'm different from Cinderella I could care less about what the woman thinks of me, and I do not have talking animal friends, Lord help me if I do.

"While I am at it should I clip your claws and polish your horns and spork?" I asked sweetly.(you know that fork looking thing that the devil has? It looks like a spork for some reason….)

"Do not take that tone with me!"

"I'm not taking a tone with you!"

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Ethan!"

"Mildred!"

"GO!! NOW!"

"FINE I WILL GO! STARIGHT TO YOUR DADDY!!"

"...What?" she looked like she was trying to decide wether to laugh or be afraid!

"Oh Mr. Devil sir, your daughter was being mean again."

"Stop it!"

"Must we get God involved."

"Ethan I swear to-"

"Ahaha," I said wagging my finger at her, "No swearing, and were you about to bring God into this?"

"Just do your chores." she said wearily, massaging her temples.

"Sure, sure." I said.

And there is another different, I won most of the arguments between me and my mother dearest. I shed the maid uniform and started on washing the horses and carriage and then everything else, I was done by three.

"NOW WHAT?" I yelled up to Mildred, who was up-stairs, trying to change her appearance, or trying to hide her tail…either one is pretty bad

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!" she shouted back.

"FINALLY!" I yelled.

"IF YOUR NOT BACK BY DINNER I'M CALLING THE COPS!" she shouted back down.

"damn." I muttered slamming the door behind me. I ran to the mail box and found a post card from Vegas.

"We are having a great time! Wish you could be here." it said.

"Yeah, then why didn't you bring me, bastards." I said harshly.

See I'm not really that mean, it is just those oafs who cause it…

I set off to the stables and grabbed my favorite horse. We rode into the forest over a hill and looked at the castle, one day it would be mine…I swear that it will be mine!!

**OxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO**

**A/N- Alright, so another chapter down! I hope that this helped explain some blanks! And those of you who came back: Welcome back and I am glad that you liked it! And those of you that are new: Welcome! And I hope that I don't scare you too much. Okay as always-see anything that could be improved? Please e-mail me or just shoot a review and I'll jump on it quickly! Thanks y'all!**


	3. Ethan's New Friend

**Ashes to Cinders**

**Chapter Two: Ethan's New Friend**

**NONE of the characters reflect my opinion on any topic that may or may not offend you- the reader!**

**-Ethan-**

Alright….So back to where we left off when the authoress (cough, cough, RAEROOCHELLA, cough, cough) so rudely left off with a horribly developed cliff hanger!

So…yeah, I know, I am going to go off on a random subject. I honestly hope that you readers like me! I know that was random, and I'm not your beloved Disney princess (guys stop drooling and fantasizing! Disney princesses are not for sale! And Santa called, he asked for you all to stop tryin' to wish for posters of them either!)…but hell it is the truth…okay so I added some false parts to my little story but then it'd be boring!!

I'm just trying to be interesting! I can see my readers dropping off like flies...

So moving on.…like I said I was riding through the woods and then I looked at the castle and swore that it'd be mine….da, da, da…!

Alright so now I have heard about this princess, you know the average things. Absolutely beautiful… (sorry, drifted off like you guys fantasizing about Disney's creations! But you got to give the guy his props! They are hot! Yeah, okay i lie!) smart, can dance (sounds like my mom(biological one) -snicker-), musical, artistic. All of that.

Now, I'm gussin' that the only thing about this princess is that she is pretty! And other than that a complete and total ditz…which is no wonder, I mean look at all of the other princesses!

They could have waited for us men to save them!

It is our job after all…and no I do not think guys are better than girls, I'm not sexist!… alright, now back on the original subject!!

Okay riding through the woods…castle…mine.

Okay, so I had to see the princess first, without her knowing that it was me! 'Cause, ya never know when there is gonna be a ball that I can easily sneak into.

I'm good lookin' in my opinion, but I'm no guy that makes girls fall off their horses when I ride past or make them all croon and do the little domino affect thing in all the cartoons.

So I had right now two options, option 1.) dress up as a prince from somewhere far away and claim to be the man of her dreams.

But that wouldn't work for a couple of reasons, a.) I'm not necessarily a man, not yet (but I sure can act as one! At least all eligible girls could know I knew how to run a household, clean, and what girl doesn't like a man that can cook?) b.) I don't have the things I need to pull it off and c.)Aladin had already done it…

(I know this cause he's my friend!! I love that little monkey! And he got lucky! He had the genie to help him! What do I got? Option two that's what I got!!)

option 2.) I could storm the castle. But 'd get killed or thrown in jail, and that is not on my agenda this year... but if the princess liked a bad boy... nah, long shot.

Oh! And then I had a third option.

Option 3.) tell Helga and Olga (icky stepbrothers that make me clean their icky rooms and make them their icky breakfast!) that the princess wanted them to help her go through all of her old dresses!

Then I'd have to go and I could sneak into the servants quarter, hell I look like one!

It was absolutely perfect! I reared my horse around and headed back to Mildred's house, perfecting my plan along the way.

(look ,a switch up! A different point of view! Sorry that it doesn't go with my prologue... My bad...)

**Princess Ella **

I sighed and looked into the mirror, I hate castle life, it is soooo boring. And everyone calling you princess or highness! It aggravates me sometimes!(ha-ha, I know big words! Take that Ethan! He always did have a kinda "princess aren't smart" attitude! He used to say "all they do is sit and look pretty and get knocked up so that the kingdom would have an heir to the thrown. I have to do the real work!(that is not suggestive in any way…I think))

The frilly pink dress with white lace edging that I had been forced into was incredibly itchy!

I fidgeted with it, trying to itch my back, but of course…

"Princess!"…told you!…Katrina yelled at me, the old fart who put me into this torture devise!

"Stop fidgeting! I need to make sure that this dress looks good on you for when you meet your next suitor tomorrow!"

"Katrina! I hate all of these suitors! They are all butts and old farts or young farts and talk to me like I have no brain! I could care less! I wished that I could marry whom I want! And this dress won't get any better! It wouldn't look good on a goddess of beauty no matter how many world-renound fashion designers working on it!"

"Yes, and I pity the man that catches your eye…" she muttered.

"I will pretend I didn't hear that!" I said. She muttered something else, this time I couldn't hear it.

She took out a needled and started to sew up the fringe near my butt.

"DAMN! " I yelled when she pricked my ass. See princess can use bad words too, we're just not allowed to yell them (Yet again another misconception of Ethan...).

"Princess!" Katrina gasped.

I tore at the dress, wriggling out of it, slowly of course because stupid me didn't undo the zipper.

I finally got out of it and faced Katrina in just my undergarments, for lack of a better word.

I picked up the dress and threw it at Katrina.

"Get rid of it…now! I will decide what to wear tomorrow." she nodded her head mutely and left the room. Muttering something about an afternoon tea.

I undid my corset and slipped out of the undergarments. I pulled on a shorter pair of the contraptions and then pulled on a plain brown dress and apron over it. I combed out my hair and tangled it up, and then securing a hat on my head. I left for the kitchens…

**-Ethan- **

(Before I start talking again, I have to tell you something. It's not just a coincidence that my wife's name is like Cinderella! Oh no! Disney wanted the whole affect of the story and wanted all the details to match, at least similarly.)

I had just sent Helga and Olga to go and talk to the "good lookin' men" according to Olga (I guess a man in uniform is just irresistible to all women... and men...)

He was going to let them in to talk to the princess about their dresses.

They both argued over who would talk to them (all they wanted to do was flirt with them!) until they came to an agreement and walked over to confront the guards. I watched Helga and Olga from a distance, no way those two were men! They were arguing with the guards, both parties had red faces.

As much as I wanted to watch more, I had to get going.

I found the servants entrance fairly easily.

I picked up a bag of grain and walked in.

I expected some kind of confrontation, but not the one I got.

A girl about a half a head shorter than me in a brown dress and white apron walked up to me. She had long curly black hair and sparkling cool emerald green eyes, but I was guessing that it was from anger, and they did not usually sparkle.

I walked past her. Only to find her in my path again.

"What?" I snapped, in no mood to be funny or flirty, which I usually would have done (I'm just a normal 17-year old! Mood swings and depression was goin' on in my time to!)

"You don't work here." she said.

"Do pigs fly?" I asked her with a raised eyebrow, my voiced laced through with heavy sarcasm.

Her eyebrows raised in shock and her eyes went wide while her full lips formed a little O of surprise.

"You fly?" she asked me in an awed voice layered with hard sarcasm and a little giggle to top it off.

I gritted my teeth.

"Well either you or I has to be the one that flies and I know it isn't me, so good-day Miss Piggy." I said with a shallow bow and then stepping around her again.

Her hand jerked my shoulder back. I turned around, ready to tell her to leave me alone. A sharp sound echoed across the tiny courtyard as she slapped my face.

I put my hand where she slapped me, the sting of it was starting to come, making my eyes smart.

I put the grains down and folded my hands together, restraining myself.

"Are you of any importance?" I asked her with a slight smile. She looked at me funny.

"No."

"Would anyone care if you got hurt?"

"Not that I know of." her eyes flicked right, she was lying… Now I needed to just find out why...

"So, what do you think I should do to you because you slapped me?" I asked, still slightly calm.

"Nothing, you deserved it."

"Ah yes, but as I recall you called me a pig and I called you one…so we where even until you slapped me…"

"Your point.?"

"Are you afraid of men?" I asked her, raising my eye-brow.

Her eyes flicked to the right again.

"Not at all, I have many chasing after me." I took her shoulders, they went tense under me.

"I won't hurt you." I whispered. I still hadn't decided what I was going to do to her, and then a brilliant idea flashed in my head, I think there might have been a light bulb above my head.

"I know that." she mumbled.

"Good." I smiled.

I moved my hands to her waist and then picked her up and through her over my shoulder.

"Oh my flippin' god! Put me down you bastard!" I laughed.

"Ladies shouldn't curse!"

Her hands hammered on my back."Put me down this instant! You dirty little field worker!"

"Can't do that dirty little kitchen maid!" I stopped down quickly and picked up my sack of wheat. I didn't hold her, hell, I could care less if she feel off my shoulder!

She whimpered and her arms gripped around my throat.

"Oh, c'mon! this has got to be the most fun you have had in a while." I told her.

"Yes, actually." she said, not relaxing her choke hold on my neck.

"Are you trying to choke me?" I asked her.

"I wasn't, but now that you mention it!" her grip tightened farther.

I coughed and then poked her side.

She screamed and let go of her hold, slipping down my back her arms grabbed onto my waist to keep from falling.

We must have been a odd sight, me walking and a kitchen maid thrown over my shoulder and halfway down my back, while griping onto my waist for dear life.

"How you holding up back there? Sure feels like your enjoyin' yourself! Could your grip around my waist be any tighter?" I asked her. She growled or laughed and then, I think, bit me.

"OW! Did you just bite me?!" I asked/yelled.

"Maybe…"

"You are a fricken' demon child! Or either your just really frisky..." I told her, snickering and gripping onto her ankle, I could flip her over, and then she'd fall, probably get hurt too, such a satisfying thought, but I was raised a little better than that, I think….

"Let go of my ankle!" she said. We were halfway across the courtyard, going slower than I wanted, but I was holding a sack of grain in one arm and a girl was slung over my back while I was holding onto her ankle deciding whether or not to flip her to the ground (betcha Disney never mentioned this part of my life! Well they never mention me either…tear...)

I moved my thumb for a better grip on her ankle she whimpered.

"What? Are you all right?" I asked her, I could stand hurting her bum, but not really anything important, like her ankle which she needed to walk.

"Yes, I'm fine, just a sprained ankle." she said, her voice laced with pain.

"Alright." I said, I could help, but then again did I want to? Not really, but seeing as how we both just broke about every rule of etiquette…

I rubbed small circles on the sprained part, and then on her Achilles heel, funny how maids were those little slipper things, almost like a princess' shoe…something caught my eye, a pearl, on her shoe…was that weird or do house maids now and days wear pearls on their slippers?

"What are you doing?" she asked me. Her voice had a hidden smile in it, or it could have been a frown, you never know with this girl.

"Fixing you." I said simply. She laughed, a loud and clear laugh.

"What?"

"Nothing." she said.

I thought about it.

"OH! You pervert!" I said, a little louder than necessary.

She thumped my stomach.

I pinched the spot where he ankle had hurt.

"What are you doing?"

"Does that hurt?"

"No! Oh! It is better! Thank you, thank you!" her arms tightened around my waist in what was unmistakably a hug.

We reached the kitchens.

"Put me down!" she said. Servants turned to look at us, most of them looked shocked, some looked angry and others laughed.

"Where does the grain go?" I whispered.

"Go straight, take a right and then a left." she whispered back but I had seen a pile of grain, that told me she was lying…again.

I walked over to it and dumped the grain down and then I pried her arms from around my waist and dropped her with the grain too.

"To hell with you!" she said, crossing her arms.

I laughed.

"You don't impose a very angry figure." I said. She stuck her tongue out at me.

"I only tell the truth!" I said. She turned her face away from me

."Here." I said, offering my hand. She eyed it warily and then grabbed it. I pulled her up.

"Melanie," someone called.

"Just a sec!" she called back. The old woman tapped her foot impatiently and tapped her wrist. She sighed and turned to face me.

"Sorry, I have to go so soon. Hey, why are you even here?" she asked me.

I bowed, "For the same reason every one else is, to get work and see the beautiful princess." she playfully hit me,

"You know she has suitors lined up for miles."

"True."

"Would you like to meet her? I could ask, she and I are…friends…" she said hesitantly.

"No, not today, I'll bide my time." I said with a dismissive wave of my hand.

"Oh, alright."

"Well, since you must be going, I shall go too, after all I am a dirty field hand." I said with another wink.

"At least let me see you to the gate, I don't want you ruining any of our hard work." she said, hitting me for real this time.

"If you insist." I said with a mocking bow.

"I do."

The walk out to the gate was awfully quiet…I wish she hadn't come because I was actually going to follow her after she thought I left and see what she was up to, after all ordinary kitchen maids do not have pearls on their shoes... i think

"Well, thank you for the entertaining hour." I said, exaggerating the time, because in my world, I wanted it to be an hour…less time at "home". No you guys... I didn't want it to be an hour cause she was pretty and I liked carrying a pretty lady across a courtyard.

"Oh, it was nothing." she said. I gave her a quick hug, purely impulse and on impulse again, I kissed her cheek, quickly, not lingeringly. She wasn't the princess, and that is who I had my heart set on. She blushed lightly.

"I don't give those out very often, enjoy. And maybe I'll se you around, but don't hold you breath, no more kisses for the lire…" I said.

"Yes, that'd be interesting." she replied, her hand wandering up to her cheek.

"Bye." I walked away, laughing quietly to myself, I have an effect on women, who would have thought?

"Hey! What's you name?" she called back.

I turned around and walked backwards.

"Ethan!" I shouted. I turned around and ran to where my horse was.

I had to do something fancy to make her croon and wonder about me.

I attempted a jump up off the ground and land onto my horse. The horse wasn't THAT tall and I had some height on me, neither of those aspects helped me.

I got off the ground and was right back on it in seconds, only this time I was on my face.

I immediately turned to the girl.

She giggled, turned, started to walk away, and yelled while waving, "Bye Ethan!"

Then she stopped, stiffened for a moment as if remembering something, turned, and said, "Oh, and lay off the high jumps!" S

he laughed at her own dis and started to walk away.

I stared after her and then after she had gone out of my sight sighed and slammed my head on the ground.

I started thinking without bothering to get up. Horse wasn't goin' anywhere. Probably laughing at me too.

Maybe I could wait to see the princess, and besides her friend would certainly give me the information I needed.

**Princess Ella**

I laid down in my bed, thinking over the days events. I could hardly remember the pompous prince's name that I met today for tea, but I could remember the courtyard this morning, the servants courtyard, my escape…

I blushed lightly, thinking of the events that had taken place there. My ankle did feel better, much better in fact that I could wear heels with out grimacing. And it was Ethan's fault.

"Ethan..." I said it quietly, but so that I could enjoy the feel of the name on my tongue… I wonder when he would be coming back…? Wonder if he would do something funny again...? Hope I could think of a good come back again... Stupid boys... And yet... I drifted into sleep. Ethan…

**OxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOx**

**A/N So welcome back my lovely readers! I am glad that you like this story enough to come back! And also thank you Nicole, my awesome beta! Okay, as always, anything that you think can be improved or you think of something totally hilarious that could happen or they say? Shoot it to me in a review or e-mail and I'll put it in! thanks y'all!**


	4. Remembered

_**Ashes to Cinders**_

**Chapter Three: Remembered **

**NONE of the characters reflect my opinion on any topic that may or may not offend you- the reader!**

**-I though this be a good time to point out that anything that sound remotely familiar to you is not mine! Unless it is fomr earlier chapters Now let us begin:**

**-Ethan-**

I threw the brush at Olga furiously.

"Hey man, chillax." he said, holding up his hands in surrender.

"If you want your god damned room clean, then dammit, clean it yourself!" I yelled at him, searching for something else to throw.

"Hey! I thought that you were the servant, not me." he asked, pointing to me in the damned maid costume.

"I swear on my life, I will make your life a living friggin' hell if you do not screw of right now!" I hissed. His face went pale and he ran out of the room.

"WHILE YOUR GONE WHY DON'T YOU GET A NAME CHANGE?" I hollered after him. Silence greeted me.

I had woken up with a wicked headache (and no it wasn't from booze, but I sure as hell is hot wish it was!) and headaches, cleaning, and incredibly annoying step-brothers do NOT mix well! I threw a towel over my shoulder and ran upstairs to the attic.

Once there I changed into my regular clothes. (no jeans you retards! What do you think this is? The Jetsons?)

You know, average black and the white shirt (I'm not even gonna try to describe it so stop sitting there scratching your head like a chimp. Should I throw you a banana? Can you understand me now? Ohoh-ahah!!).

I threw the towel at Helga on my way down the stairs.

"Hey!" he complained in a high pitched voice.

"What?" I snapped.

He looked at me, his lip quivering.

"Mommy!!" he called.

"WHAT?!" she roared.

"Ethan was being mean again!" he shouted.

"Shit." I murmured.

"Tattle tale!" I said ducking past Helga and sprinting to the stables.

I could hear him start to burst into frantic sobbing and shouting for Mildred as I grabbed a horse out of the stables (Of course it had to be the horse that I had stupidly tried to jump on…!! Why did I have to pick the jinxed horse?!)

I spurred him into a gallop (take a wild guess at what my "trusty steed's" name is! C'mon! I dare you!……………..Sheila! Bet'cha never saw that coming!! There is nothin' wrong with me ridin' a girl horse named Sheila! Ohhhhh... yeah that does sound bad...) and took off through the woods.

I let go of the reins and grabbed onto her mane, letting her go wherever she wanted.

She galloped through the woods, dodging trees. (can you hear to music in the background?)

I sat up and flung my hands in the air shouting "Whoo- hoo!!" and then, I fell (stupid me doin' stupid stuff on the stupid jinxed horse... Hear that scraping noise? Yaeh that's my music going bye-bye...) I

fell with a thump on my back, letting out a big "Oof!"

I rubbed the back of my head.

Second time that horse has done that to me.

"Sheila!!" I yelled.

She stopped abruptly stopped and walked back to me, almost like she was eyeing me cautiously. When I didn't do anything she nudged me with her nose and nickered softly I pushed her away.

"Damned animal." I said.

She whinnied and I swear to God laughed at me.

"Shut it! I was talkin' about you!" I said, climbing back on her.

I grabbed the reins and guided her at a slow trot to a little meadow. I

tied her to a tree.

"By God you damned animal! If I didn't know better I'd say you are trying to kill me."

All I got in answer was a small snicker(yeah, horses can snicker! Who knew?).

"We'll stay here for a couple of days, wait 'til things cool down at home."

Okay I lied earlier: I am petrified of Mildred, especially when she is umm, how to put this delicately?(coughcoughPMSin'coughcough).

I laid down and looked at the sky, what else was there to do?

xxxxxxxxx

_One month later_

Ugg, one month since that day when I had inexplicitly (I know big words! T-hee!) pissed off Mildred.

She had…for lack of a better word, killed me.

And now in my forearm was a scar I'd rather not have.

Tattle tale, whiny little pastel wearin' baby!...But that's not the point!

So now my very trusting and stupid friends, (YA! I jus' laid down the dis! What now succa?! Sorry... Helga makes me mad... And the worst part is, my scar kinda looks like him... I'm considering plastic surgery or amputation) the point is that NOTHING interesting has happened to me for a month.

And now I bet you are wonder about our dear little Melanie.

Well we are getting to that so shut it!

Okay so moving on. (What's my future wife to be got that I don't got?! All my readers love her! All of the readers must all be guys... Get over it... She's mine! And not to suggest to the lady readers that girls are a prize to be won! And that's how you do it guys!;) Charm 'em! Show your sensitive side! Why do you think I mentioned I don't ridin' a girl horse? That sounds dirty... wait did i just call Mel my furture wife?! What?? I thought I was after the princess!)

About a month after I had found myself in the woods I woke up in my small bed room. I blinked rapidly and rubbed my eyes.

For some odd reason I had remembered my encounter with Melanie. (And that's a surprise in itself! I don't remember anything, let alone a conversation with any girl!)

I rubbed my head and got up to get dressed.

After checkin' my appearance in a mirror like sixty times and making sure that my hair was just so, I started down the stairs.

"Mildred I'm goin' out so don't expect me to get anything done anytime soon." I yelled. I will never learn...

"FINALLY!!" I heard someone shout.

"Ethan! Don't get into trouble!" she shouted after me.

"Yes mother!" I shouted back.

"BASTARD!" she shouted after me.

"BITCH!" I responded. I really hate cursing! And like I said, I only do it when I'm angry or well, around Mildred! But honestly can you blame me?

Okay, confession time again.I do not look like Harry Potter! I would like to (just for the ass-whoopin' magic duh! That'd put Mildred straight!) but I don't in-fact look an awful lot like Cinderella in your stories does. Okay so tell you what I swear to God if any of you girls calls me up lookin' for a date, your done for(the author dipsticks)!! Alright, so I have auburn hair, I think my mommy(biological dipsticks!) dearest had that hair color too, I can't remember what i told you, see i weave a web of lies-small ones!- and then i forget them- so lesson here folks, don't lie! 'Casue then if you forget your lie, you have to confess like i am doing right now! Oh well and greenish eyes, and I will not elaborate ask Mel!

Okay? Happy now? Okay!

Good moving on.

When I got to the stable I saddled Sheila(I seriously hate that horse) and rode to the castle.

I paused by a tree to tie her up.

As soon as I was sure the knot was secure, I walked toward the courtyard (servants moron!!).

When I reached it there was no one there.

"Hello?" I called.

But no one answered.

Puzzled I went to the kitchens.

I heard the cling and clang of pots and pans and smelled the food from outside the door.

I walked in and came face to face with the old woman from last time.

When she recognized me she sighed in relief.

"Finally!" she said.

"Wait, what are you talking about you, old bag lady?" I asked, ungraciously and ungentlemanly like, but c'mon! it is part of my charm!

"Your here!" she grumbled something after that, that sound strangely like bastard.

"Your point?" I asked, smiling lazily.

"Since you haven't been back she won't eat, she won't sleep, all she does is sit there in the entrance to the courtyard." she muttered.

"Who?"

"Melanie, dipshit." she said.

I held up my hands.

Whoa! Old lady gots one hell of a vocab!

"Oh alright. But why isn't she eating and what not?" I asked airily.

I loved pissing people off. It is something I'm naturally good at for instance:

I have a secret.

And I'm not gonna tell you.

But it is a dark secret and I could die if people knew! It is about my heritage and lots of people don't know, but if they knew I'd die.

I bet you wanna know….

But I'm not gonna tell ya! Oh hey don't be like that c'mon! I was joking! I have no secret Jeeze! See, I am good! I could be the next great Van Gogh of pissing people off! Finally! A bright future! Okay back to our story.

I have a secret! I know something you don't know!!

(sorry, just had to get that out!)

"She's right there." the bag lady said pointing to a thin figure with the head resting in their arms.

"Thanks baggy lady." I said. Oops did that last part come out loud? My bad….! NOT!!

"Why you! You don't deserve her!" she mutter-flustered.

I looked at her.

Someone feel out of their tree!

I walked over to the figure and sat down next to the thin figure.

"Go away. I am not eating!" she said to me.

I repressed my smile and said nothing.

"I said I'm not eating anything." she said again.

I got up from my seat and grabbed a passing maid.

"Do me a favor." I whispered.

She looked at me and then nodded vigorously.

I kissed her on her cheek.

"Thanks, babe.(see we even used that word!! I am so bad...)" I said she blushed.

"I want you to ask her 'why'." I whispered and she nodded.

She was totally into me. I could have asked her to go jump off a cliff and she would have! My charm seems to still work since the last time I was near any girls.

I sat down again and situated her near me so she could say what I wanted her to.

"Why?" the maid asked, casting me a furtive glance I gave her a thumbs up.

"What's the point?" came the dismal reply.

"I don't know, you tell me." the maid said.

I gave her my most devilish grin. She was wingin' it.

"Well, seeing as I'm obviously not interesting enough for his royal stupid-ness." she muttered.

"Who?" asked the maid.

The figure(which i am sure that you know that it is Mel) straightened up and pulled on her dress.

"His royal fall-off-my-horse-like-a-loser-man! I'm obviously not-" she stopped suddenly looking at me.

She blinked her eyes rapidly and closed them.

"-since he hasn't come back yet." she whispered, eyes still closed.

She opened them again and looked at me shocked.

"Ethan?" she asked me.

"Nope, I'm your personal demon, but shush! You're the only who can see me! We don't want people to know that you finally fell of your rocker and are talking to thin air!" I said with layered sarcasm and a wink.

Her eyes widened.

"Ethan!" she shouted, jumping at me and latching her arms around my neck.

Her weight combined with mine sent us flying backwards off the stool and her with me seeing as she was latched around my neck.

Why oh why do I always have stupid things happen to me around women? WHY?! Do you guys have that problem too? I think it's a birth defect…

We landed in a heap on the floor.

And suddenly Melanie started to laugh.

I laughed a little bit too.

But then realizing that it is NOT a good idea to lay around in the middle of a busy kitchen I picked myself up, and Melanie with me.

She was much, much lighter than last time we met.

I set her down on the stool and sat beside her.

Bag lady was eyeing me like Mildred does before she... um, kills me... Is that a good thing?

A maid passed by with a plate of food. I grabbed it from her.

"Thank you." I said, placing it in front of me.

The maid turned to me angrily.

"Hey!" I said. She approached me her hand raised, she drew it back. I caught her hand and forced her other one to her side.

"I was just kiddin'! What do you want for payment?" I asked.

She thought and then grinned devilishly."A kiss."

"Alrightly then." I sighed. Kissing her quickly on the lips. I let her go. She stepped back in a daze, her hand wandered to her mouth. She smiled lightly. Stupid girls... So easily amused... Shame...

"Be careful," said a grave voice beside me, "He doesn't give those out normally."

I turned to see Melanie and half of the massive steak she had taken from me during the commotion gone.

"Jeeze!" I exclaimed.

"What?" she asked me, her eyes reproachful, but her voice utterly innocent.

"Nothing." I grumbled.

She nodded and kept eating.

She wiped her face on her dress when she was done. Very lady-like. (Isn't she great?)

"So." I started, "Didja miss me?"

She smiled."I wonder, Do you still fly?" she asked me with a small smile.

"If I say yes that means your answer is yes but if I say no then that means your answer would have to be no, but I think I'm gonna go with yes, so yes, I still fly."

"You are the most confusing person I have ever met!" she said.

"And you, my dear, are just about the oddest. Did I mentioned most uncoordinated too?" I responded, wrapping her in a hug. She hummed quietly,

"Hey! You have no room to talk there! Your the one who jumped clear over your horse and landed on your face! By the way, how are those high jumps going?"

"Hey you got lucky! I'm as graceful as a gazelle! That is until you put a pretty girl and a horse in front of me." She blushed, giggled, and looked away from me in embarrassment. She seemed to be watching something far-off in the floor. Daydreaming about me most likely.

"Now! What shall we do today?" I asked her cheerfully, pleased with myself. And her smile just has something about it... It puts me in a good mood.

"Whatever it is, you are not to carry me across that courtyard!" she said, coming out of her little daydream in the floor, eyeing me carefully, and pointing out to the courtyard.

"Darn!" I said, snapping my fingers. She laughed and I couldn't help but smile with her.

**XOXOXOXOXOX**

**A/N Welcome back! Let me just say-Ethan is a moron! He can't se the obvious! So thanks o everyone who came back and to those new readers: Hello! So if you guys think of anything that could happen in the next chapter(that you WANT to happen) send me a review or e-mail with your idea! I will probably put it in, 'cause I am having writers block! Thanks y'all!**


	5. Jealous? Me? Bah, Never!

**Ashes to Cinders**

**Chapter Four: Jealous? Me? Bah, Never!**

**NONE of my character opions about anything are my own.**

**Also: READ THE DAMNED AUTHOR'S NOTE! IT IS IMPORTANT THIS TIME! :D**

**-Ethan-**

Mel and I walked through the courtyard to the stables, both of us where oddly quiet…oddly enough!

Usually I am brimming over with random and stupid non-important things to talk about. But this silence wasn't awkward. It was a nice companionable silence.

Melanie kept looking at me and then grinning and looking away, and whenever I caught her looking she'd turn away and blush.

Wonder what her problem is?

I mean, is there something on my face?

Oh god! What if there is?

What if I have Mt. Everest of zits and I didn't know about it?

WHY ME?

When we reached the stables Melanie motioned for me to wait outside. I leaned against the door frame, nonchalantly and waited….and waited….and waited….and waited.

Finally Melanie came out with some guy. I looked at him skeptically. He had blonde hair and blue eyes. He smiled when he saw me and held out his hand. I retuned the smile with a nod of my head, already hated the guy! He dropped his hand to his side and frowned. Melanie wrapped her arm around the guy's waist and said

"Ethan, this is Adam. He manages the stables!" she kissed him lightly on the cheek.

Something intense ripped through me.

I clenched and unclenched my hand. It wasn't rage, because if it had been I would have socked him and been happy. No, this made me want to punch him and take Mel away.

But, I quelled the emotional storm…before I did anything rash.

"Hello." I said curtly.

Mel looked at me like: What? You never speak **that** formal! I pretended that I hadn't seen her puzzled look.

I watched the birds and the trees instead. At least they wouldn't take Melanie from me.

WAIT!! HOL D ON! BACK UP THE BUS! TIME FOR TOTAL EMOTIONAL EVALUATION!

Did I just say that the birds and trees were not gonna take Mel form me like ADAM!? HOLLYYYY mess!! We have a problem! I have officially lost it! I am watching birds and trees and thinking that they won't take Melanie from me.

Wait what? You say I had jealousy a second ago? Over my friend? Well….if **I**had it over Mel, then….

I smiled again and walked a little ways away. There was a girl who looked to be sixteen hanging up the wash. I walked over to her.

"Hey!" I said.

She turned around to face me, hands on her hips.

Her hair was cropped short, brushing her shoulders, and looked to me brown and or black(I am a guy and we are color blind! So put down that axe!) streaked through with blonde. So really you could argue that she had blonde hair and had dyed it with black and or brown. Her eyes narrowed considerably at me. I looked at them, green like my own. Only they had blue and brown threaded through them and a ring of thick black lashes surrounding her eyes, she was very pretty.

Perfect. I could just imaging that if I had a goatee or one of those sweet curly mustaches that I'd be stroking it, not like a cat though!

"What?" she asked sharply.

"Wanna do me a favor?" I asked he, giving her my most charming smile. She looked at me carefully and then said with a slightly glazed look on her face:

"NO." and turned back to the clothing. I sputtered, was I just turned down by a girl?

"What?" I whined. Okay I know, but I needed her!

"What?" she mimicked.

"Hey stop!"

"Hey stop!"

"I am serious!"

"I am serious!" I grinned, which of course she did too.

"I love you!" I declared.

"I love you!" she cried. I smiled as she flushed a brilliant red, which actually looked very nice against her copper skin.

"So, any one you want to et jealous?" I asked her. Her eyes flicked to where Adam and Mel were conversing.

"Ooh, Adam!" I said quietly.

"And you, your after El-Melanie" she said quietly(Well she actually hissed it!!)

"No!" I said, holding my hands up. "Listen I'll help you…" I trailed off, what was her name?

"Nicole." she said.

"I'll help you get Adam, Nicole." I said. She smiled.

"Fine, and I'll help you get Mel." she said back.

"It is not like that!" I exclaimed.

"Whatever." she said rolling her eyes. I smiled, lord oh lord did I wanta punch her.

"Alright, c'mon." I said, grabbing her hand. She stayed rooted in her spot.

"What?" I whined.

"You are doing it wrong, come here." she said.

I back tracked. She wrapped her arm around my waist and set my arm around her shoulder.

We walked over, talking about random things, so random I can't even remember what the conversation was about!!

"Oh hello!" I said, when we abruptly stopped in front of Mel and Adam. Melanie had removed her arm form his waist, while his still rested casually around her shoulders.

"Ethan?" Melanie asked, she looked confused, looking from me to Nicole.

The look Adam was giving me made me shudder. _If looks could kill…I'd be DEAD faster than you can blink! _I thought.

Keeping my gaze with Adam, I leaned down and pecked Nicole on her cheek. She tensed under my arm, and pinched my side- hard. I smiled to hide my grimace of pain as she continued to pinch and twist my skin. I finally pinched her back and she let go.

Mel looked from me to Nicole with a helplessly confused look on her face, that made my heart wrench. Must've ate something weird at breakfast…

"Ethan?" she asked again, like she wanted me to explain.

I shrugged.

"Nicole?" she asked, looked to said person.

Nicole just scooted closer to me and batted her lashes.

Adam was looking at her with a helplessness that would have made even the toughest man's heart ache…too bad, I didn't care.

He was way to close to Mel for my liking.

Wait what?! Not again! -groans-

I HAVE EMOTION PROBLEMS! WHO IS THE DUMB BASTARD THAT INVENTED JEaLOUSY, AND DENIAL? HUH? STEP FORWARD RIGHT NOW SO I CAN GIVE YOUR EARs A GOOD BOXING!

Hahah, boxing ears…haha, funny -sigh- back on track! Boxing ears! Hehe.

Nicole held his gaze with something like defiance.

Melanie straightened up and smiled, looking at Nicole. Her eyes flicked to me quickly, pain and something that looked and awful like "you'll rue the day you did this Ethan!" look was there-Note to self, lock all of the doors when I go to sleep, or learn to sleep with my eyes open!! Mel, for some reason, strikes me as the kind of girl that can pick a lock with a pin…

"Hey, Nicole?" Mel asked sweetly.

Aww, that's nice, they are getting along! Victory dance!

"Yes?" Nicole responded, as sweet as Mel.

Okay so girls- is it bad if you talk to each other in sickly sweet voices?? I wouldn't know, 'cause us guys when we fight we just go, "I'm gonna kill ya!" and then have at it! So, on girl fights, not so sure about it.

"Lets have us a little talk, hmm?" asked Mel, walked by Nicole and grabbing her arm and dragging her away.

"Oh yeah sure, ask and then give me no say in the matter!" Nicole said as Melanie dragged her a good way across the courtyard.

They stopped and started to gesture madly and whispering. I stood next to Adam.

"Are they fighting?" I asked. He looked at me funny.

"Well, I should think so." he said. I smiled, this ought to be funny.

The girls voices started to get louder as they shouted over each other and their arms and hands were gesturing madly and then at the same time they shouted the only word that Adam and I heard, and could not being to understand:

"…MINE!" they stood looking at each other their fist clenched at their sides, eyes locked.

I walked over and stepped in between them

"Now girls, no fighting, I mean, I know that I am THAT good looking, but c'mon! Yhere is enough to go around." they both turned on me, faces livid.

"Bad luck Ethan!" called Adam with a laugh.

I didn't take my eye off the two loons in front of me.

"What?" I shouted back. All I got in reply was a:

"Five, four, three, two," the girls started to smile maliciously, "and one!" and then they attacked me!

Shouting and punching, yeah punching! And lemme tell all of snickering people goin'- girls can't punch! Yeah they can! And it hurts like hell!

"Okay! Okay! Leave me alone! My god!" I shouted, but they still attacked me.

I got up of the ground and started to walk away. but both Harpies attached themselves to each of my legs so that I couldn't walk.

"What did I do?" I asked. They didn't responded, just stared up at me viciously.

"Oh okay, silent treatment, that works both ways."

I twisted and sat down next to them. They scooted so that they were sitting beside each other and looking at me. I studied each one carefully.

Mel was livid. She wanted to beat me up, badly. I think something along the line of tying me to the back of a horse crossed her mind.

Nicole looked oddly passive. She just wanted to go away. Sighing she got up and went back to the laundry where Adam joined her.

I smiled. Hopefully things would work out for them.

I almost vomited. I sounded like a girl!

Oh lord oh lord oh lord!! Help me!

I stared back a Melanie. I hate being quiet it annoys me!

"So," I started, "How long is this gonna last?" I asked her, putting my finger tips in a temple. She just glared.

"Can I talk about random things with-out getting punched again?" I asked her. She sat there glaring.

"Okay then…I pissed off my step brothers," a questioning look flashed in her eyes, but was so brief that I could have imagined it, "so Mildred sent me out of the house." glaring."I have no where to go, and she never told me what time to be home." glaring.

"Could I stay here?" more glaring.

"Aww c'mon Mel! Don't be like that!" I whined. Even more glaring.

"Uhhh, please? I'm sorry! What did I do anyways?" more glaring, so icy this time I shuddered. (but i must admit, that was a horrible apology!)

"Oh, okay, you wanna play that game do ya?" I asked her, glaring, and a slightly triumphant looked mixed in.

"You're on!" I said. Even more glaring.

I didn't talk.

I waited

and waited

and waited

and waited

and waited

and waited

and waited.

Finally it had been like four hours of silence in the same position.

Nicole and Adam had gone for a ride, talking animatedly amongst themselves.

The sun had sunk below the tress and the courtyard became blood red and orange and a light pink in the sunset.

And then the silence was broken.

Melanie's stomach growled. She grimaced and clutched at it.

I fought the urge to laugh, but then my stomach growled.

We looked at each other and fell into a hysterical fit of laughter. I am talking like tears, clutching your tummy, and rolling around on the ground laughter! Finally we sat up and whipped the tears from our eyes and cheeks.

"Fine." she said, hiccupping a little.

"Alright! I win!" I cheered. She glared and I quickly shut up.

"You can stay here," she said, "Wait for Adam to get back and tell you where you are gonna sleep," she smiled maliciously.

"I should learn to sleep with my eyes open shouldn't eye?" I asked, making a horrible pun, but she laughed.

"Yes, you should."

We herd pounding hoof beats and then Nicole and Adam came riding in the courtyard. Adam reigned his horse and got off of it. He walked over to Nicole and offered his arms to her. He helped her down, off of the horse. Once she was on the ground he wrapped her in a hug and kissed her.

I smiled watching the scene.

I reached out to find Mel's hand. I pulled her to my side and whispered in her ear,

"We sorta helped them have a happily ever after." I said. She smiled and looked up at me.

"Now I wonder if you'll get yours and I'll get mine." she said. I brushed a lock of hair away from her face.

"Of course you will." I whispered. She smiled and blushed, but it was hard to tell in this light.

"Now, Ethan, we must work on your manners, especially if you are planning to get the princess." she said with a laugh.

Of course just like her, ruining the moment

"Oh, I have plenty of manners!" I said, bowing and motion her fore-ward. She lightly curtsied and went ahead, only to trip on my outstretched foot. She stumbled, but caught herself.

Just like me to help ruin the moment farther!

"Ladies first?" I asked with a smiled. She flustered and the put her had fore-ward.

"Five second head start." she smiled.

"Oh shit!" I took off toward the kitchen with Mel close at my heels-damn the girl can run! We ran into the kitchen and fell into seats at the table, panting heavily.

"Well, looks like I am a girl." I said.

"Indeed." Mel panted. I smiled.

"Your turn to get dinner, my dear **husband.**" I said evilly, giving the last word a sneer.

"Sure thing, my charming and beloved **wife."** replied Mel, copying me.

I grinned and she went to find some food laying around. She brought back two massive steaks.

"Whoa! That is massive!" I said. (I like to point out the obvious. In case you haven't noticed)

"Just eat! Your stomach is giving me a headache." I grinned an looked down at my stomach.

"Shush!" I said, putting a finger to my lips. My stomach just growled loudly. Nothing ever listens to me!

**XoOxoXoOxoXoOxoX**

_**READ ALL OF THIS PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!**_

**A/N Long one commin' your way guys! Okay so first order of business: Nicole did not see this chapter until I post it! Can you tell the difference? We are still trying to figure out what we should put her stuff in! it is between **_**bold italic **_**and or **_italic! _**lemme know what you think! **

**Okay so number two: I have a poll up on my home page: go and check it out, and vote! **

**Third: I need help with the next chapter. What would ****you**** like to happen? And also, send me dress designs for obvious reasons! Via e-mail or review please! Fourth: Welcome back my readers that have stuck with me since chapter one. And welcome new readers! **

**Fifth: thank you to Disney Princess3, Lady Zarobiti, and Thai Libre for the encouragement, and the ideas on how to make this story better! I love you guys and thanks!! **

**And Sixth the biggest and bestest thank you to my unofficial beta Nicole(yes Nicole in this chapter is modeled after her, and she will be popping up much more often!) who made this story and without her it would be garbage! THANK YOU NICOLE! **

**And as always, the friendly reminder: any ideas or anything that you want to see happen? And come backs, dises, burns, characters, event that you want to see? Well shoot me it in a review or e-mail and I'll pop it in the next chapter! Peace my people! (and I warned you that it was going to be lonnnggggg!!) :D:D**

**OH AND LETS NOT FORGET ITEM NUMBER THREE! HMMM? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN! SO IT IS UP TO YOU GUYS!! YOU KNOW HOW TO CONTACT ME! PEACE MY PEOPLE! AND THANK THANK THANK YOU NICOLE, FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE FOR _ASHES TO CINDERS!!_**


	6. Moral Values

_**Ashes to Cinders**_

_**Chapter Five: Moral Values.**_

_**NONE **__**of the characters reflect my opinion on any topic that may or may not offend you- the reader!**_

_**Uber Special Dedication So Nicole and I have decided to dedicate this chapter to our health teacher. Let calls her Mrs. D. :D looks like worthless hours of health weren't so worthless.**_

_**Another Uber special dedication: Thank you to- Lady Zarobiti and Thai Libre for the awesome chapter ideas! :D and Nicole, for as always, telling me my writing sux and that this is how we can fix it :D**_

**XoxOxoX**

"You are kidding me, right?" I asked Adam pointing at the straw mattress that I supposed to sleep on. I mean c'mon, I hate Mildew(Mildred snicker) but at least I have, I don't know a MATRESS? In her house! Not straw. I eyed it with distaste_._

_**A cockroach crawled out from a corner of the pile of straw I was supposed to sleep on. It headed toward the pile of firewood next to my bed. Before it made it to the first twig, a rat the size of my forearm (I mean it too! This thing must have been the Godzilla of rat world! King Godzilla!) came out from behind the pile and grabbed it. I could swear the cockroach was screaming... I'm right there with ya buddy... As the rat began to decapitate it and pull the life less, headless body back to King Godzilla's chamber. **_

_**The only thing I could manage was, "Wow..." **_Adam laughed.

"Are you a girl or something?" he asked me, with an eyebrow raised. I laughed and then pointed at the mattress and screamed a very high pitch girly scream _**as I hugged my arms around Adam and pull one leg up like all the women do when they see a mouse or something**_. (Why do you guys do that? I mean c'mon! okay, I'm doing it, but it is a joke!) Adam clamed his hands over his ears. I stopped and looked at him smugly _**still hugging him**_.

"Voice still cracking?" he asked, twisting his pinkie in his ear.

What Nicole sees in him, I will never know. Ya know what, I think hanging out with so many girls is staring to take a toll on me! I mean c'mon! I am asking what Nicole sees in a guy! _**And now I'm hugging one**_... HELP!!

"Nah, but-" I turned around, _**released Adam**_, and screamed... like a guy.

"What the-?" edam turned around and screamed too.(I'm not alone!)

In the door way were two people dressed in black shirts, pants, and boots, and of course gloves. They were holding up kitchen knives. And on their heads were black tights with eye holes and mouth hole slit into them. They grinned and swiftly advanced on us.

"Holy shit!" I cried out.

"Damn." Adam breathed. _**Could you think of a better curse to come up with at a time like this? **_

The figures started to laugh, no they started to giggle. Wait, what? I walked up to one of them and pulled of the tights. Nicole looked at me with a malicious little grin on her evil little vicious face. I growled as Mel took off her stockings.

"Hello, boys-er-I mean gals." said Mel, with a slight bow. I curtsied politely and held out my hand.

"Sirs." I batted my lashes and turned my head to the side and puckered up my lips.

"Ladies." they bowed again, grandly. Adam watched our exchange with an amused grin. Finally, after all of the role switching Nic(hehe, gave her a nick-name! Take that evil malicious monkey! Hey Nicole? PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN! Oh good! Thank y- oh shit! She has a CHAINSAW!! Ruunnnn!!) ran over to Adam and gave him a hug, and then they continued to suck face to put it in your terms. _**(Haha... Suck face... Hear that one Nic?... Nic's a guy's name... haha...I am sooooo good... haha...Phewwww... OMG OMG OMG!! SHES COMMIN AT ME AND THE CHAINSAW IS NOW ON!!)**_

I turned around to see Mel watching them with a look like jealousy on her face. Why is she jealous? Unless….oh hell no! she better not or there will be hell to pay!! _**Bring it on suck face boy! Ya I got it! What you got that I don't got?! Ya, that's what I thought! **_Okay so now I have to admit, yes I do get jealous when I think Mel likes other guys, I know, but she's my friend and I don't want to see her get hurt! And that's it. Okay so moving on.

"Mel?" I asked her.

"Yeah?" she asked, turning back to me, and whipping a tear from her eye.

It melted me.

I swept her up in a hug, completely surprised when her arms wrapped around my waist and she buried her head in my chest. It should be awkward, but it wasn't it felt right… I quickly let her go and shook my head. My god I was having problems.

"Alright guys, we are gonna go before Katrina comes and locks us all in." said Nic(hehe, take that chain saw head!) dragging Mel out the door.

Adam sighed and laid down on one of the straw beds. (Which I swear I saw something scamper away…) I looked around.

"I-uh- have to go to the bathroom, cover for me? I can pick the lock." I said, walking out the door, not even hearing the answer. I followed the girls quietly. When they reached the girls rooms, they parted. That was odd.

I followed Melanie. Where was our little maid with pearls on her shoes going? She took the steps up to the upper levels, I followed her. But when she rounded the corner ahead of me I lost sight.

"Damn!" I muttered, looking around. Where the hell was I? I continued in the direction that I had last seen Mel walking in. and I walked on and on, until finally I dropped dead on a random couch, completely exhausted, _**and with my short attention span, frankly bored of getting no where**_. And the only though I had was: To the Banana king Chaaarlie!…..

**XoxOxoX**

I woke up to something hitting my face over and over.

"What?" I demanded.

"You're upstairs! It took us forever to find you!" someone hissed. I opened my eyes, Nicole was standing over me, hands on her hips. I jumped up, swaying form the sudden blood rushing to my head.

"Oh crap! Did anyone wake up yet?" she looked at me funny.

"Just Mel and I." she replied, pointing over to a shadowed figure. I raised an eyebrow.

"Mel, why are you hiding?" I quietly called over.

"I'm not!" she said.

"You are standing in the shadows." I pointed out.

"Oh C'MON!" Nicole said, draggin' my arm and puling me away from Mel.

"So what was with "when you sad and blue" or something, "Just put a banana in your ear. Put a banana in you favorite ear."? _**What drugs you been on?**_"

"OH, I slept talk?" I asked, blushing. Why was I even dreaming of Charlie the Unicorn? I forgot…

"Sit." commanded Nicole while she went about, pulling out different cooking items.

"Do you always make breakfast?" I asked her, awed.

"Just for us-the servants." she replied dryly.

"Every day?" I asked awed, that was lots of people!

"Yep. _**But hey, I didn't say it was good," she said with a grin.**_

"Alrighty then, sit, now." I commanded. Yay a perfect chance to impress-(coughs and clear throat) I mean- yay a perfect chance to show everyone that I'm not some free loader.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"SIT DOWN! RIGHT NOW!" I commanded, pointing to a chair.

"_**Make me..." **_

_**I walked over to her, looked her straight in the eye, and said, "Don't make me hurt you." **_

_**She smiled up to me. It was a wicked little smile that almost became a sneer. She looked down to my waist, back up to me, back at my waist (oh god...), pulled her leg back and yelled, "FOUR!" as she tapped... or more like HAMMERED! into the family jewels. I screamed like a girl and dropped to the ground in a fettle position.**_

Nic sat down. _**"No kids for you."**_

_**I looked up at her in the chair from the ground. "I hate you," I hissed through bared teeth. **_

_**"Do I look like I care?"**_

_**I pulled myself together and used a chair beside me to pull myself up. My knees were bent together as I hobbled about. Nic was laughing the whole time. **_

I went about puling out all of the ingredients I needed. I was making my specialty: Chocolate chip pancakes! I set about on my work.

Nic watched me in silence. (with an occasional laugh whenever she saw me grimace in pain-damn girl can kick!)

"How did you learn to cook?" she asked me.

"Eh, training?" I suggested.

"Sure, sure." (Death to Jacob Black!!)

"What ever, boil some water for me?" I asked, flipping pancakes and piling them up-putting them in an oven, and then pouring more.

"Yeah." she set about getting tea ready. And soon all of my pancake batter was gone.

"I'm gonna start to put this stuff out." I said. I set up everything and then sat back and waited. Everyone began to come gradually in twos and threes.

"Good job Nicole!" some one called. I smiled lazily. She deserved praise.

"But I-I d-"

"She didn't make enough." I cut in smoothly. She looked at me funny, but said nothing. I sat back and smiled. Good deeds felt good, bad deeds felt better_** or worse in my case. But I did not want to make **__**psycho chick mad again!**_.

As I was walking into the kitchen I dumped flour on one of the maids. She glared and hurried off. _**That deed felt good. **_I laughed wickedly…good times, good times.

**XoxOxoX**

"So, why did you make breakfast?" Mel asked me as we walked along by a lake.

"I didn't." I protested.

"Yes you did, you have flour in your hair," she laughed. I growled. Damn.

"So where does our mysterious Ethan come from?" she asked me.

"That is- none of you business." I replied with a laugh, running ahead. Oooo yes, I am evil. She ran behind me to catch up

."No running." she panted.

"You sprinted." I pointed out.

"Your fault!" she glared.

I smiled innocently and took off my shirt. She watched me warily and then when I threw my shirt on the shores edge she looked at me dumbstruck."

What?" I asked. Proceeding to take off my pants-WHICH I HAD SHORTS ON UDER YOU SICK AND MIND POLUTED PERSON! MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE POPULATION NOW AND DAYS? She looked away again blushing.

"I'm just going for a swim." I said, jumping in the lake.

"Ethan-you are mess up! _**Friggin' stripper!**_" she called out to me.

"Yeah, well at least now I don't need a bath, stinky!" I called back. She yelled at me and then quickly tore off her dress and ran into the water. I

laughed, but when she reached me she grabbed a fistful of my hair and plunged me under the water. I struggled to get up, but she held me down. Note to self- do not call a kitchen maid stinky, they do bad things to you… _**Nic must have taught her... **_she finally let me go, just as my lung were about to burst.

"My god!" I coughed. She patted my back with a little more force than necessary. I ducked under the water and swan quickly away, hugging the bottom. I turned and came up behind her, and grabbed her foot. I could heard her scream, even under the water. I came up for air and flipped my hair out of my eyes.

"I hate you!" she declared turning her back on me.

"Well I-"

"Ethan!" someone shouted from the shore. I swam over quickly.I recognized the man from Mildred's house.

"Shit" I muttered.

"What?" I hissed to him when I was close to the shore.

"Uh- Mildred wants you back, pronto, she's tearing up the house and is gonna make you clean it up."

"Thanks a lot Asshole." I hissed.

"Hey don't shoot the messenger!" he said running off. I climbed out of the lake and pulled on my cloths.

"Ethan?" Mel asked swimming to shore.

"I have to go." I replied, jerking on my shirt, cursing all the while.

"Why?"

"I just do, alright? Maybe I'll see you around, depends on how long my wound takes to heal." I muttered.

"What?" she asked horrified.

"Nothing." I muttered, running through the forest back to the servants courtyard. Mel tried to keep pace, but feel several times….Sometimes I hated my life…

**XoxOxoX**

Damn Mildred, always ruining my fun time! I rode back to the hell hole of a house, and when I arrived it looked like a tornado had torn trough.

"Great." I groaned. I waked through the door. Mildred was standing there, absolutely vivid. Like the girls yesterday. I had to stop my smile. It had really been like one big party- destined to end, better now than never right?

"Ethan," she started in a tone that if you didn't know her, you'd think that you'd get a big whoopin' cup of tea-not gonna happen! "Where have you been, dear? We have been so worried."

"What, that someone poisoned your food, and I wasn't around to test it?" I muttered. Damn whoever beat me to the punch!

"Where have you been." she repeated, not making it a question, damn.

"Castle."

"Why?"

"Because." one word answers are the best, they make sure you don't get in trouble.

"Why, don't make me repeat myself."

"_**You just did dip wad. But to answer your question asked twice. **_Well, see, I sorta had this friend over there who is good friends with the princess, and I was at the castle, trying to persuade my friend to get the princess to see Helga and Olga, but I got interrupted when she was 'bout to crack…" I trailed off, thank god I hadn't lost my lying skills…yet. Mildew's eye brows shot up- touching her hair line.

"Are you serious?" she asked me with an awed voice. I nodded my head.

"You spent the night there." no duh! "Did you sleep with your little friend, Ethan?" she asked me, her eyes glinting maliciously. I

looked at her in horror, sleep-with Mel? Hell no! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NEVEEEEEEERRRRRRR!! Ever! Would I do that!! Ever!!

"What the fudge? No I didn't my god Mildred, I didn't have to resort to that!" I practically yelled. She smiled, perfectly happy that she seemed to rumple a few of my feathers.

"_**Hope you used protection. **_Just making sure." she said. And turned around.

"Any chores?" I asked her dumbstruck. She turned back around, and smiled kindly- what the fudgin' hell?

"Nope, just cook dinner fo us tonight, the food sucks when your not here." and she proceeded upstairs.

I watched her dumbstruck, what did she have planned, this was the first act of kindness I managed to get from her, now I was afraid. But first things first, I ran upstairs and burned my maids outfit. When that was done I rubbed my hands on my pants. What was she going to have me do tomorrow? I was petrified.

**XoxOxoX**

When I woke up the next morning I was completely and totally…pissed off to find my self in Moldy's house(Mildred m people, Mildred…) I

groaned but got up and changed into pants and a shirt-oh the joy! First time I have ever done that in this household!- and went to make breakfast.

Now you will never guess what I found on my bed when I went upstairs- the god Damned MAID'S OUTFIT!! I groaned but put it on, I swear to god someone was going to pay.

My revenge came in very subtle ways.

The horse bucking off Helga in a pile of horse poo.

Olga mysteriously disappearing in the house for a few hours, and being found in the attic.

Mildred coughing up her lunch…

the china was mysteriously broken when no one was around…

and now Mildred was missing a few emeralds.

I looked at the emerald ring in the palm of my hand(it isn't stealing, it is borrowing...without permission, and sorta kinda maybe pernament?)…it reminded me of Mel's eyes. I sighed, three days ago that fun had been.

Why was life so unfair? And to top it off, today was my birthday! And do you know what my present was? A mile long list of chores!! Life sucks!!

-ehh, roughly…two weeks later? Lets go with that-

There was a knock on the door. But of course-No one would FUDGIN' ANSWER THE DAMNED DOOR!! I ignored it, no way was I opening the door in my current state- maids outfit! By god help me if I do. But alas! The knocking continued. I growled several choice curses and fixed my short-guy hair- into something that I had seen at the castle with the maids and short hair. I smiled and opened the door. Peeking around it.

SHIT!

Melanie was standing in the door looking around uncertainly. She was wearing a blue dress and white apron, much different form what I usually saw her in, and yet, she was still covered in dirt-as usual, but then again, we both were always covered in dirt.

"Yes?" I squeaked, in what I hoped was a girlish voice. Her eyes found mine and she looked at me with uncertainty.

"Uh- is Ethan here?" she whispered, looking down self consciously.

"Just a minute!" I squeaked again and then shut the door.

"Olga!" I shouted with my normal voice. He came running down the stairs.

"Where's the fire Ethaleen?" he asked me.

"Shut it, keep her occupied, I whispered pointing to the door.

"One word about this maid outfit, or my status in this house- I'll make spinach for dinner, and that's all." I threaten.

He nodded his head and opened the door while I disappeared into the kitchen. I quickly changed into my pants and shirt ensemble and wet my hair. Shaking my head, water droplets covered a maid walking by. She glared at me and smacked my face. The maids in this house weren't as open to me as in the castle.

"Sorry, Becca!" I called after her, she gave me the finger.

"Touchy!" I shouted after her.

Sighing I walked out into the parlor.

"Oh hello!" I said with a smile. Olga grinned maliciously. "Oscar- go- now!" I commanded. Olga looked at me with a grateful expression, and then hatred, but got up and went anyway.

"What do I owe this surprise to?" I asked Mel, sitting across from her.

"Nothing, Bastard." she said, turning her back on me.

"Oh c'mon! Why is it every time we see each other we do name calling or you tackle me?" I whined. Her cheek lifted a fraction of an inch.

"Shut it." she replied coldly.

"Alright, now lets talk about it." I said touching the tips my fingers together.

"You said you'd be back soon. Everything is soooo boring!" she complained facing me.

"How does that make you feel?" I asked waving my hand, and using a shrinks voice.

"Bored."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Angry."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Like this." she punched me in the gut.

"Good one" I breathed.

"'How does that make you feel?'" she mimicked me, "Much, better, thank you doctor stupid." she said with a tiny laugh. I held up my thumb, still recovering from her punch, by god!

"So seriously, why are you here?" I asked her, after i had finally recovered.

"The princess is having a ball next month, I figured that you need manners practice." she replied, raising an eyebrow."You never told me that you owned this house." she said.

"I-I Do? Yes, yes I do." I said covering up my confusion quickly. She sighed, but then smiled brightly.

"So bring your brothers down and we'll start."

"Gimme a sec." I said, running upstairs.

I paused at the top-wait how did she know that I had brothers…? I shook my head and ran upstairs, to find them.

Helga and Olga were whispering together, tucked back in a little corner of Helga's room.

"Alright guys, listen up." I said. They both turned to look at me. "The princess's friend is here, she is going to make sure you two know what you are doing when you go to the ball, and she going to teach me cause apparently I have bad manners. So be nice to her and do not talk unless you have to." I said.

"got it?" they nodded their heads.

"Olga- your Oscar, Helga- your Harry, and I am Ethan, not Ethaleen. Got it?" they nodded their heads again.

"Now what do I NOT own?" I asked sweetly.

"A maid's out fit." they said in unison.

"What do I do at home?" I asked.

"You supervise the estate, cuz your oldest." they said again.

"Good, you guys do realize that I seriously am helping you out, shocker after all of the torture." they nodded their heads and then we proceeded downstairs.

"Hello." Mel aid politely. The both returned the greeted, I hid a laugh. This ought to be interesting…

**XoxOxoX**

"Harry, you're holding it wrong." Melanie repeated.

In my position against the wall I quietly snickered as she readjusted the silver ware.

"Tell you what guys- this really isn't that important, why don't we do dancing?" She suggested, just as Mildred entered the room.

"What is going on here?" she asked in her high pitched voice. I must say, she looked rather stupid…Two spirals of black hair were around her horns, making them well, hairy horns…hehe. _**She should really consider shaving those things. **_And of course, she was wearing a puke colored dress.

"I am just getting your sons ready for the ball." Mel replied straightening up a little bit and meeting Mildred in the eye.

I crossed my arms across my chest and watch the confrontation with amusement. Mildred looked at me.

"Ah, yes, you must be Ethan's girl." she said, that malicious glint in her eye.

"No. Where ever did you get that idea? Never mind, now we must really get going if you want you sons to even have a shot at getting the princess's hand." she cringed visibly, what's her problem?

"Oh quiet right." Mildred said, blinking and eyeing Melanie with distaste.

"Boys." Mel walked out with the Guys trailing behind her. I pushed off from the wall and followed.

Mildred caught my arm.

"What?"

"Aren't you going to her Highness' ball?" Mildred asked me with genuine curiosity.

"No." I lied.

"Why not?"

"Cause, I don't want to, duh!" I said.

"Your girlfriend is a pretty little child." Mildred said, abruptly

"Uh, yeah, I guess." I stuttered, Mildred is scary sometimes, but Nic takes the cake-looks around for crazy said person with chain saw.- phew!

"Are you sure that you two aren't up to anything?" she asked me. I flushed here we go again with the sex talks.

"NO" I said firmly.

"Uh-huh." was all she said, following me to the ball room in our house-I know weird right?

I leaned against the wall and watched with some amusement the guys trying to dance, and Mel's flustered face.Mildred walked by, when she was at the door she looked a Mel and then said loudly:

"Don't forget children, use protection, cause if you don't you'll get pregnant and die. Ta-at." she walked out.

Olga and Helga looked at each other in confusion.

Mel looked back at me and shrugged her shoulders, but she was a deep shade of red. I quirked an eye-brow at her she smiled lightly and then went back to instructing.

The door bell rang, and startled Helga and Olga so much that they fell on top of each other. Laughing I went to answer it.

I opened the door to see Nicole standing there tapping her foot impatiently.

"Where is she?" she asked shoving me aside.

"Well, Mildred is polishing her spork, Becca is probably think of how she can get back at me, and the other maids are probably outside, avoiding spork lady." I said, describing the average day in my life.

"Not them, stupid! Melanie!" Nicole exclaimed

"Dancing" I replied. I motioned for her to follow me to the ball room.

"There ya go." I said pointing to Mel. But Nicole didn't move.

"Mel!" she shouted from her spot. I cringed and she smirked. Damn Demon Child. Just because of her Nic-name too.. Haha, bad pun…

Mel spun around and absently secured a piece of lose hair back in her bun. I wondered what she looked like with her hair down…wait, I shouldn't be thinking these things…but ahhhh, they wont stop!! _**Mildew's sex talk is commin back up... ahhhhhhhh**_!! make it stop!! Suddenly Nic hit me upside the head. I shot her a thankful glance, she shrugged, or was it cringed?

"Yup?" Mel asked, when she reached us.

"We have a purple chief in the kitchen, looking for a shake." Nicole said. Mel paled visibly

"Shit." she muttered. "Alright, go get my horse?" she asked Nicole, Nic nodded and then walked out, making sure to give my shin a nice kick on the way out.

"Ow,ow!" I complained, gripping said hurt body part.

_**"Ooooops!" Nic yelled back to me as she exited swiftly. I could see her tail trailing behind her. It was hanging out of her dress. **_

_**"Tuck that in!" I yelled after her.**_

"Hey Ethan, I have to go." Mel said.

"Oh, alright." I tried to hide my disappointment, I though that'd I be rid of this hell hole!

"see you around." she called.

"Yeah, see you." I whispered. I turned my attention back to my step brothers.

"Ohhh!!" they sang, and shouted, "Ethan has a Giiirrrlll Friiieeennnddd!!"

"Yup, I have a friend that is a girl, yay for me!" I said.

"Now, which one of you bastard put to fudgin' maid costume on my bed this morning? Hmm?" I asked. They took one look at each other and then shot up the stairs, screaming.

"Twenty seconds!" I shouted, it was followed mby more screaming. I started to count as I wandered over to the window. I spotted Mel down the road, riding her horse, and looking back at the house I sighed. She should have taken me with her.

Twenty.

"Ready or not! Here I come!" I whispered and bolted up the stairs to find the boobs, that I call brothers…

**XoxOxoX**

**A/N Okay! Another one down! So here are the dedications and such.**

**Thai Libre: suggested etiquette lessons.**

**Lady Zarobiti: lots of ideas! It took me awhile to pick the ones out that worked best. Mel going to Ethan's house is hers, Ethan opening the door in his maids costume is hers(originally Mel was supposed to see it…) the dude going to find Ethan was also hers! And that's it for now! So thank you guys so much for the help! :D**

**Also Nicole: thank you for putting words into my characters mouths! And I'm glad that I had you look over it! Her stuff was in **_**bold italics **_**thank you Nicole! :D**

**And thank you to every one who read this and those who have reviewed, and thank you silent readers! :D peace out my dears! I'll see(meteorically) this coming Wednesday! **

**Link for Charlie and the Banana King: h****ttp/watch?vb1RGt-a-XpY** (idk if it work, just click it, if not copy and paste into ur url bar :D)

**As always-if you have an ideas and any new character thoughts that pop up or something that you want to happen, lemme know and I'll prolly put it in! peace!**


	7. Jupiter and Canda

**Ashes to Cinders**

_(Am I the only one that notices that my title changes the way it is written every chapter?)_

**Chapter Six: The Ultimate Chapter of Randomness now Dubbed ****Jupiter and Canadians**

_(Underlined is the Chapter name people, stick with me!)_

**NONE**** of the characters reflect my opinion on any topic that may or maynot offend you- the reader!****WARNING: DISTURBING AND RANDOM CONVERSATIONS!**

**-Ethan-**

Two weeks and counting until the Ball from Hell!

I sighed and looked out at the grove of trees.

I really don't know what they grow, nor do I intend to find out.

Maybe lemon? _**But with my luck I would go out there, pick one, look it over thinking, haha funny lookin' fruit, be stupid and my animal instincts would kick in and my stomach would growl, take a bite, and then my windpipe would close up and I would**_ _**drop to my knees, clutching my throat and gasping for air while a cloaked figure would come limping out from behind the tree, rubbing their hands together, and as I would be slowly dying they would pull down their hood and it turn out to be a cackling mildew…On a lighter note…**_

Funny how the leaves are that color! When did it turn to fall? It sure doesn't feel that way.

Olga came into the kitchen. I was shocked, they NEVER come into the Kitchen.

"Hey Tweedle Dumb, where's Tweedle Dee?" I asked sarcastically, and continued to scrub the pot.

Damn Becca, can't take a little _**bit of boiling **_water on her face...

"Shut it _**girlfriend**_! I'm so tired! What will wake me up? _**do we have any coffee?**_" he gripped and then looked at me.

"NO! _**No coffee for your sorry arse**_...oh, I don't know, why don't you give yourself paper cuts and then poor lemon juice all over them? That ought to wake you up nice and good!" I muttered.

Olga raised his eyebrows _**as she, darn it, I mean he put his hand on his hip and she, I meant it this time, began to stomp her foot**_, but said nothing.

"When is she coming?" he asked me instead of the usual comeback.

I said nothing, just flipped my hair out of my eyes.

Yep, one week until the Ball from Hell. Why was I going again? Oh right, princess. I sighed.

Melanie would be coming by later to resume the lessons. She was virtually at "my" house everyday.

And surprisingly Mildew didn't tell her that it wasn't mine, just constantly reminded us about protection."Ethan, be safe!" "Ethan be careful! You are much too young." "Melanie, don't have sex, then you get pregnant and die!" "Are you sure neither of you has herpes?" and on and on! I looked up and around.

Becca came through the kitchen. She raised her nose when she passed by me. _**She had boils all over her face from where the water had burned her.**_

"_**You gotta a little sumthin' on your face right there," I said pointing all over her face, she just smiled a wicked little smile and gave me the I get every second of every day, "You're dead." **_

"Spoiled." I muttered, and kicked her ass when she walked back. She paused briefly and then turned around to face me. I saw the contents of the bucket in her hand.Dirty dish water.

"Damn." I muttered and braced my self.

She dumped the suds all over mejust as the door bell rang. Helga ran down the stairs to get it. I sighedand shook my arms.

"Why Becca? Why? _**Now dirty dish water, but what next? Murder?**_" I asked her, shaking my head and trudging by her.

"_**Thanks Ethan, I hadn't thought of it!" She smiled and**_ stood still, watching me move away.

I, went upstairs and through on a pair of old shorts(yes we have shorts, they are like uhhh, what do you guys call 'em? Well whatever, they are shorts…) and a simple blue shirt. I finger combed my hair, _**gave my self the Elvis guns and snap into my door, **_and opened _**it**_. Becca was standing there.

"Oh, uh, Hello?" I stuttered. Man! What was with me! I was off my casetoday! Must be nerves or something...

"Uh, Ethan?" she asked me, looking down and fidgeting with her hands. Her brown hair fell forward, veiling her face(hehe, I'm poetic!! Ooooo scary...)

"Just spit it out Becca." I sighed.

"Look, I just..."she hesitated, "I don't like you spending so much time with Melanie." she blurted out, and then quickly looked back down, her face beet red. Okay...soo, what is it with me and making every girl I meet fall in love with me?

"Look, Becca, she's my friend, and us...yeah, I don't think that will work out so well..." I dropped off. She looked at me with the weirdest expression I have ever seen on her face.

"Oh! That's not it! I jus think she's lying to you, about something, veeerrryyy, important." she said. I looked at her dumbstruck. Well knock me down!

"Oh, well then! _**can you tell me the secret, cause if you know, I wanna know and while we're talking and not physically or mentally hurting each other, **_can we stop trying to kill each other?" I asked casually. She smiled and _**shook her head a no to the secret telling, and then nodded to her head to the peace agreement to the all out blood battle**_.

"_**Great**_." I stepped around her and went down to the ball room. And who do I find? No other than Mel AND Nic! My lucky day...

"Hey guys!" I called out. Olga and Helga glared. Nic smiled evilly...now I'm afraid. Mel grinned and waved lightly. I smiled back and went to the wall were Nic was leaning.

"Let's be civil today, hmm? _**I mean your already off to a good start, your devil's tail is tucked in and your horns are shaved!" **_I asked her.

She smiled slightly and leaned against the wall, crossing her arms across her chest...like I was doing, okay...that's not weird. We were quiet, just watching everyone practice random things. It wasn't that bad, until: disaster struck in the form of Nic's voice!

"So, why aren't you practicing?" casual. But I wasn't fooled!

"Eh, I figured that I don't need it." I replied, arching a brow. She smiled.

"You need all the help you can get."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked her, my arms taut.

"You can take the boy out of the pig pen, but you can't take the pig pen out of the boy." she replied.

"Oh so now I am a pig? And what about you? What are you doing in a dress? Aren't those for girls?" I fumed. She smiled a sickly sweet smile.

"Five guesses as to what is behind my back."

"Well that is easy. A knife."

"No."

"Chainsaw."

"No."

"_**Bomb**_."

"_**No**_."

"_**Your friend, Hitler**_."

"_**No."**_

"_**Assassination for Dummies**_."

"_**No."**_

"What then."

"This!" she pulled her arm back to punch me.

"Hey guys!" Mel called. We both looked in her direction. _**Nic was in mid-pinch and I was in mid-cringe mode.**_.

"Huh, that's weird!" she called.

"What?" we asked at the same time. I turned _**out of my cringe **_to scowl at her.

"Nothing, you guys just have the same eye color...and skin color...and...yeah nothing else." she stopped, studying us.

"Well, I hate to say it, but Mel, did you fall out of the wrong bed this morning?"

"Wait, what?" she asked.

"I don't know." I replied.

"Come here, your punishment is...the waltz." she said with a laugh.

"Wait, what? What did I do? _**I don't have to hold a rose in my mouth do I?**_" I whined. She motioned me forward. I moved toward her.

"Oh, suck it up, I have to make sure you can dance." she paused, "I don't want you stepping on my feet." she muttered, so low I didn't know if I heard correctly.

Grumbling I stood in front of her. Sighing she stepped closer to me and wound her finger through mine. Her other hand held the edge of her brown dress delicately. Sighing I put my hand on her waist.

Great, now my hormones are in a tizzy! Greaattt! Thanks Mel! So much! Coz that is what I really needed this early in the moring-X rated day dreams!

I swung her around before she could say anything. She opened her mouth to protest that we weren't doing the waltz. I twirled her around again. Yeah I bet you wondering how I learned to dance...my mom may have been a bad parent, but not that bad! After about ten minuets of that, I finally remembered where I was. I let Mel go and step back. I smirked slightly at her whine she clutched the side of her head.

"Well then, you're good to go." she mumbled. I smiled.

"It's fine Mel, hey on the bright side, I'm allowed to hang out with my best buds at the castle, all week." I winked. She blushed and laugh.

"Try not to kill Nicole." she said. I nodded my head and crossed my fingers behind my back. I walked to the wall and stood next to Nic. She glared at me, but alas. I did nothing! Damnit! What is wrong with me today? I closed my eyes and waited for the lesson to be over.

**XoxOxoX**

(_still Ethan. Sorry to disappoint you)_

I sighed and inhaled the air.

Ah!

What is better than the smell of B.O. and steak?

Well I can think of a lot of things. Lilies, lilacs, roses, paint. Oohhhh!! I love to smell paint!! -Twitches uncontrollably.- Okay never mind, and no I'm not into drugs! (Cool your heels Edvard, I'll give you yur damn crack! _**I give the best princes for those of you who are new clients.**_)

Okay soooo, moving on because I know how much you guys wanna hear about Mel(what the fudge is it with you people and Mel? What about Nic? She's coolio too!-looks over at said person who is holding knife to his back and mouths "is that okay?" said person nods.-) alright, so MoldyVort(ahhaha!! Voldemort+MildewMoldyVort! I kill myself sometimes!! Oh and yes MoldyVort is Mildew.)

Okay so she let me out of the house- ALL WEEK!

Which means:

PARTY WITH MY PUPPET PALS!

Okay, just kidding! Nah, I was hanging out at the castle, with my buds. Needless to say we sorta formed a gang! Oh and on the Brightside:it is day one! And so by me describing the smell of the place I'm guessing that you concluded that I am in the kitchen, sitting on a rickety stool, next to Mel with Adam on my left and Nic on his left...eating steak.

We were inside because it was cold, plain and simple. And the freaky blood red leaves attacked Nic because she kickedem' and now she's afraid. Haha, loser! (-_**said person poke the knife deeper into my back. MEDIC!!-)**_

Okay so I am sitting there eating my steak and minding my own business when suddenly Mel and Adam both get up and make excuses. Adam ran straight into the stables and Mel went upstairs.

"What the Hell?" I asked no one in particular. Rhetorical questions, never a good thing if you answer them.(equivalent t answering yourself…)

"They are giving us alone timoe so we can get closer together." Nic grumbled from beside me.

"Ya know, rhetorical questions aren't supposed to be answered, and ifthey are, then that person is crazy! _**Oh wait, you've already been there and done that!**_" I told her.

"Says you! I saw you SCOLDING a crab by the lake the other day!" Nicyelled-ish.

I flushed, well I had found a little sand crab, the cutekind that don't eat you! And I picked one up and named him Freddie, wellFreddie was in a hurry to go smush Jason (_**His crab rival…I named him too)**_ so he kept falling and I started to yell at him not to do that!

"_**You've been stalking me!! And **_what's your point?" I asked, knowing that Nicy dearest would fall into my trap!!

"YOU ARE CRAZY!!" she said loudly and slowly. _**hehe, took the bait. **_

"Yes, but a crazy person won't admit that they are crazy and a sane person will say that they are crazy. So I think that I am crazy which make me sane, but then I say that I'm sane which must mean that I am crazy. But then again while I'm being sane I think I'm crazy which must mean I'm sane, but I know I'm sane, which must mean I'm crazy! But I also know that I'm crazy which makes me sane so in conclusion I must be: CRASANE!" I said with one breath.

Nicole looked at me funny.

"If today were tomorrow and tomorrow were today, but today was yesterday and yesterday was tomorrow, what day is it?" she asked me with a raised eyes brow.

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear, does it make a sound?" I countered.

"YES! Because it always makes a sound when a tree falls!" she declared.

"But no one was around to hear so did it make a sound?" I countered.

"Yes! Everything makes a sound when it falls!" she cried.

"_**BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW**_!? You weren't there to verify that it made asound! _**Unless my theory is true that there are magical tree elves that are totally on drugs and obsessed with sound and make sure that everything makes a sound even if you can't see it, like the wind. You hear it but you cant see it!**_!" I shouted. She sat still and quiet.

"My head hurts!" she declared and then a second later- "Are you on drugs?"

"Good!" I muttered and then a second later… "What? Hell no!"

"What?" she asked with a raised eyebrow and a smile, that smile was too nice!

"Nothing, so anything you wanna talk about?" I asked her instead.

"Yes actually." she replied.

"Okay, shoot!" I said

"What does Adam think of me?" she asked. And then the conversation I had been waiting for the past month for started, the kind where they blather, and I make random comments! Fun!

"I'm from Jupiteeerrr." I said.

"'Coz it is like he doesn't trust me."

"We fly cloooouuudddsss."

"I feel like he's hiding something from me."

"We're not allowed to go to the red spooottt, don't go to the redspooottt."

"I mean, he's always sneaking about and then hiding stuff! I feel likehe's cheating one me!"

"I went to the red spooottt. Don't' tell my parrrreeeennntttsss."

"But he cant be! He told me he loved me!"

"I got red spot posiiooonnninggg. I have red spooottt. It migratesrandomlllyyy."

"Maybe he's getting a ring?"

"My veins are yeelllooowww."

"Ethan! Are you even listening to me?"

"Don't go to the red spoootttt."

"ETHAN!"

"My boyfriend's Tony the Tiggerrrr."

"Stop that now." she whispered.

"I'm-"

"I'm warning you."

"From-"

"Seriously! One more time!"

"Jupiteeerrrrr!!" I finished off.

"OH IT IS GO TIME!" she shouted and lunged at me.

"HOLY RED SPOT!" I shouted out and then laughed. Someone came runningand pulled Nic off of me.

"What the Hell?" Mel asked restraining Nic.I sat up and wiped my hand on my pants and then I ran my handsthrough my hair.

"We were talking, mono eh mono." I said seriously.

Mel looked form meto Nic and then busted out laughing. I smiled slightly and bowed, Nicolepunched me I the gut...

_**Mel just looked at me and said, "More like mono eh emo." Nic glared at her and lunged at me again. I think I saw the scars on the bottom of her wrist. Does she cut diagonally?! She's not cool enough for that!**_

**XoxOxoX**_(_

_Still Ethan...sigh.)_

Two days after the Jupiter incident found me and Adam walking towardthe lake. Now it was four days away from the Ball from Hell. Sorry I got my time line messed up! Alright so as I was saying we were walking through the woods along thepath that led to the lake. Talking...ya know, man bonding. _**Not the Olga and Helga kind…**_

"I mean, how are you supposed to know what they want?" Adam asked,throwing his hands in the air.

"I know! They say they aren't hungry and yet if you put a steak infront of them they gobble it up!" I cried along with him.

"Yeah! I mean Nicole seems to think something of me! I feel like shethinks I have a secret." Adam fumed.

"Do you have a secret Adam?" I asked him quietly, _**trying to sound act like Dr. Phil.**_

"Well-what? I-I... I don't have a s-secret!" he stuttered out. I laughed.

"Alrighty buddy what ever you say." I said, slapping his back. He rubbed his neck looking a little uncomfortable.

"So hows it going with Mel?" he asked.

"Wait hold on! NOT YOU TOO! Why? Why does everyone think I like her!"I shouted.

"WHOAH! CHILL MAN! Well, er, lets see. You are always flirting withher, you get jealous easily! And oh yeah, you follow her around! _**Just a little stalkerish…" **_he listed off.

"Whatever," I grumbled. He started to whistle.

"So Adam, where do you come from?" I asked him. The whistling stopsuddenly.

"Please don't make me talk about that!" he whispered.

"What! Are you a God or something." He paled instantly.

"YOU ARE! HOLY SHIT!" I shouted. Adam laughed at me.

"From the boy who scolds crabs!" he laughed. I grumbled something unintelligent.

"How old are you anyways?" I asked him.

"Eh, 19." he replied, after some hesitation.

"CANADIAN!!" I shouted.

"What?"

"Don't' ya know, eh?" I said with the Canadian accent.

"Wow. How old are you?"

"Eh, 18, don't ya know?" I laughed.

"I don't know what she sees in you!" he muttered.

"Who?"

"Yo momma!" I laughed.

"Yo momma so hairy that the only language she speaks is wookie!Ahuaughrroooo!" I said. Meet the Spartans...yep that is the life!

"Wow." Adam said.

"Glub glub glub glub glub look over there! it's a coral reef!" I said,

"_**Swim Croc Hunter! Swim!"**_

"Ahaha!" Adam laughed.

"The vortex is opened!" I cried out in that freaky little unicorn voice.

"Oh god what is this!" Adam asked, sounding exactly like Charlie…cool!

"There is no stopping the vortex Charlie!"

"Guys? Guys? Or girls I'm not really sure what you too are."

"Charlie! Charlie! I have the amulet!"

"What amulet? What's goin' on?"

"The amulet Charlie the magical amulet! Sparkle, sparkle!" I laughed,Adam did too.

"I don't see any train, all I see is a giant sneaker."

"It is the choochoo shoe!"

"Who is that? No really you guys see it right? I got at be honest imgetting creeped out here."

"Charlie you look quiet down with your big sad eyes and you fat frownthe world doesn't have to be so grey. Charlie when your life is a messyour feeling blue and in distressed I know what can wash that sad away.All you have to do is put a banana in your ear."

"Banana in my ear?"

"Put a right banana right in your favorite ear. Its true."

"Says who?"

"So true!" and we broke down laughing.

"I'm glad the girls gave us some guy time!" Adam said wiping hiseye.

"Yeah."

"So what did you say to piss Nicole off?" Adam finally asked.

"Well she was talking about something and I was talking aboutJupiter." Adam laughed.

"What did you say?"

"I'm from Jupiter. Don't go to the red spot, we aren't allowed at thered spot. We fly clouds. I went to the red spot. I got red spot poising.I have a red spot that migrated randomly and my veins are yellow. Myboyfriend is Tony the Tiger!" I stopped and laughed. Adam was clutchinghis side and trying to breath.

"This is why they don't let us hang out alone." He said betweenlaughs. Eventually he quieted down and we walked toward the lake.

And then it happened. We were walking toward the lake like I said and thenAdam fell. He tripped over a root, twisted his ankle and landed on apine cone which then promptly lodged itself into his crotch. I stoodstill looking at Adam who was bent over groaning and clutching hiscrotch and his other hand clutching he ankle. And then I laughed. Very,very, very loudly. I was laughing so loud that I didn't hear theapproaching horse. When the rider had gotten off and tapped my shoulderI quieted for a second and then laughed again. I turned around to see avery, very angry Nicole.

"Ohhhh shit." I muttered. Choking when I tried to stop the laugh thatwas bubbling up in my throat.

"Yeah that's right." she pulled her hand back and punched my jaw.

"Damn! No fair I can't hit you!" I whined. Her face darkened. I bolted to the lake. I turned around to look over my shoulder. Nicole was sprinting after me, her skirt hitched up to her knees and her shoe inher hand. She through it and it hit me in the eye.

"OW!!" I shouted. She laughed from behind me. I ran onto the little pier and to the end. I stopped looking around. Nicole slowly steppedforward.

"Fe Fie Fo Fum." she muttered.

"Which beanstalk did you fall from?" I finished. She glared and then in a burst of speed she raced at me and tackled me, we tumbled off ofthe dock. I tried to free my head above the water but Nicole was punchingme down. I kicked out at her but missed. Suddenly the pressure on top ofmy head disappeared. I came for air and tried to catch my breath. Mel was holding Nicole's arm and yelling at her. When Nicole saw me she broke away and tackled me again. I wrestled with her, trying to freemyself. On the beach Adam was on his side swearing and using hisunoccupied arm and his knee moving slowly toward the water, when he gotcloser it became clear that he was shouting:

"Mosh pit! Mosh pit! Let mein!" and waving his hand in the air. That did it. Nicole and I stopped strangling each other and started to laugh. I hugged her briefly and climbed out of the water. Frowning Mel handed me her apron. I wiped myface off on it and then twisted it up. I whipped it at Mel's ass, seeing as she was turned around scolding Adam. It hit her. A loud cracked echoed. She turned around slowly.

"Ethan, did you just do what I think you did?" she asked slowly. I smiled innocently. She lunged for me, but Nicole caught her arms.

"Let me at him! Let me at him!" she shouted.

"Calm down Mel." Nicole soothed. She took a breath.

"Good girl." Nicole let her go. Slowly she came towards me. She stopped in front ofme and reached out to touch my shoulder. With one little tap I went overthe edge...again.

"Aw! Come on Mel!" I whined. She smiled and offered her hand. Igripped it and dragged her in. She growled at me.

"I like 'em feisty!" I said. She smiled.

"Come on Adam, Nicole!" she motioned for them to jump in, and ofcourse they did. _**I don't know, Adam kinda crawled over and then feel over the edge… **_We ended up playing chicken.

_**I think Nice just wanted another excuse to hurt me… **_

_**Adam and I were the bases while Mel and Nic were on our shoulders. What do you call them? And why is the game called chicken? Oh just ignore me and my blathering crap that Nicole the beta dudette made me say. Nic was still steamed from me, Mel from me, and Adam from the pine con, poor man.**_

"_**Man, I feel for you. I mean, Nic is pretty heavy." I said to Adam as Nic (glaring at me) jumped from the dock onto his shoulders. Adam cringed as she hit his shoulders, one of his hands was still on his crotch and the other went up to support Nic by the ankle but his hand missed and right past her, he lost his balance and Nic want flying off his shoulders. Adam turned to catch her and she ended up kicking him, I think accidentally, in the already tender area. He let out a cry of anguish and Nic fell back on the dock. I laughed my friggin' head off. **_

_**In fact I laughed so hard that I lost my balance and Mel and I, she had already been securely on my shoulder, went flying back into the water, only her legs tightened around my neck in the process and she ended up nearly suffocating me under water. As I came up gasping fro air, Mel was over at the dock helping Nic, who was rubbing the back of her head.**_

"_**Way to go no kids boy!" Nic yelled at Adam who was floating on his back with both hands on his crotch.**_

"_**Why do people gotta kick me when I'm down?" Adam whined. With that Nic's angry face melted into a complete nurturing and caring and compassionate mode. For a moment, I to admit, I was more scared of her than ever. She hopped off the dock and splashed into the water, right next to Adam.**_

"_**I'm sorry Adam. Let me help you. It's not your fault." Oh my Gosh!! Compassion from Nic was freakier than rage!**_

"_**I don't think you can do anything to help." Adaa chuckled. He sat up and looked at Nic.**_

"_**We really just need to get you a straight jacket and a nice fluffy sponge room." Nic said plain and simple to him. He fell over and looked at me who had just been standing there the whole time with a dumb look on my face, like a fish. I realized that Mel had moved back to my side in all of the commotion.**_

"_**Well now that Nic has managed to hurt everybody today, can we resume our chicken duel?" I asked assuming a ninja move. All chuckled, except for Nic who's wet normally dirty blond hair was now almost black form the water, who also had hair in her eyes, parted down the middle and her makeup was runnin' giving her the complete emo look. I Shuddered as she glared at me.**_

"_**I attract sharks you little bastard." all I could manage was the complete intelligent reply of: "Oh my God! Jaws! Adam save me!" and I jumped into his arms to lighten the moment. I chuckled nervously.**_

"_**Oh Ethan, it's just a little guppy!" Adam said with a heroic Hassualhouf look at me.**_

"_**Thank you kind sir," I said putting one hand over my heart and the other over my forehead. Adam looked over at me and said. "So the question is, can I have your number?" Nice screamed from behind us. **_

_**"So you are cheatin' on me!" Adam, still holding me in his arms, with mine wrapped around his neck looked at the girls, who laughed together and then he joined in as he dropped me unexpectedly into the water I came up with mouth full of ucky lake-water and jumped out of the air, spraying water everywhere and pretending to soar high through the air.**_

"_**Free will!" shouted Adam. We all continued out laughing fit as Mel and Nic both hopped onto our shoulders for the first real even in the chicken Olympics. **_Needless to say, Mel and I won! Hahahahahahah take that Nic! Ahhhh!! MEDIC!!

**XoxOxoX **_(_

_Still Ethan's pov! Changes in the next scene! Yay!) _

The day for the Ball from Hell finally arrived and needless to say I was quaking in my boots. Oh how I didn't want to go! I mean seriouslywhat was the point? I moped around the castle grounds all day. Mel caught up with me around fivish.

"Hey Ethan! I have to go and help the princess get ready...don'tforget seven o'clock." she said, and ruffled my hair when she ran by. I muttered something after her.

"Hey Ethan! Lets meet at the stables at midnight! Okay?" she called back to me. I waved my hand in acknowledgement and walked toward the gardens. Adam was somewhere and Nic was off getting ready for the ball. Why did they need two hours to get ready anyways? I mean sure it was a masquerade on Halloween night.

_**I sat on a bench surrounded by daisies and lilies. **_I wondered briefly what Helga and Olga were gonnabe... I drifted off to sleep.

--

The clock chiming six o'clock woke me up.

I jumped with a start andlooked down at my appearance.

Damnit! Where's a fairy when ya need one? I yelled up to the faint stars.

"Oh cruel universe if you gave me a fairy godmother or somethingplease send her now!" my hands feel to my sides. And a second later a silver mist filled the garden. I started to cough. Damn mist.

"No, no, no. I said three-" an Italian accented voice said and thencut off. In front of me floated a man in a pen stripe suit with a bowlerhat with a red carnation attached to it. In his arms was a white fluffy cat that he was stroking.

"What do ya need?" he asked with a raised brow.

"Who are you?"

"You Ethan?" _**This dude looked like a chipmunk with something in it's cheeks. Marsh-mellows? I want some! Stay on task Ethan!**_

I nodded my head.

"I'm your fairy godfather." he sighed.

"Cool!"

"A_**ctually I prefer MafiaFather, but anyways, **_what do ya need?"

"A masquerade outfit for the ball."

"Yeah yeah okay." he grumbled. And waved his hand. I ran to thef ountain.

"Harry Potter?" I asked shocked. Yup scar glasses and all. Whop de do.(Yeah ya know how i'm talking about the magic all that time? well rodent boy over there would gimme any! Damn bastard!)

"What? don't sound so ungrateful" he yelled.

"Well I'm wearing school robes"! I shouted he sighed and clicked hisfingers. Suddenly I was in a black tux with a white carnation through a button hole.

"I look like Potter still, don't I?" I asked him.

"Listen here kid! Shut it or you'll be sleeping with the fishiestonight! And remember, you hit me-we hit you!" I snapped my mouth shut and waved him off. He disappeared assuddenly as he had come. With a sigh I went to the ball.

**XoxOoXoxOoX**

**(hehe, long one!)**

**A/N okay extremely long author's note filled with such and such, a lot of it important. And you legal peoples-look after all of my blather, mk? Okay so first order of business is I go back to school in two weeks so updates will be sorta rare for a while. Nicole wanted to say hi and for all of you readers that liked this story a lot, we are doing another one! Check my profile to find out what it is about! Okay, so sadly we are winding down here, I'm gussin' two to three more chapters until it is over. But if we get enough people that pm us, review us or contact us in other ways, yelling at us to continue, then we shall! Okay, the ball scene next. And btw guys, Ethan being a brainless boy forgot to mention that it is a masquerade ball! Okay legal crap:**

**I don't own Harry Potter, coz if I did I wouldn't be writin' on this site, duh!**

**I don't own the godfather or the sleeping with the fishes line, but I do own the fishies part!**

**I don't own Freddy vs. Jason and other related themes, but I do own Freddi the crab and Jason the crab. **

**I don't own Voldemort, I own MoldyVort though.**

**I don't own Charlie and the banana king-I don't even know who owns that crap anyways.**

**Also, I don't own Meet the Spartans, therefore give them credit for the "yo momma" joke (idk if I had to put that, I just don't feel like getting sued today.)**

**I sorta won the Jupiter part, it was a skit on SNL. Apart from the lines "I'm from Jupiter, My boyfriend is Tony the Tiger" I own the rest of the lines though!**

**I don't own the tree elves on crack that like to make sound- Nicole does.**

**And finally The Croc Hunter- May he rest in peace and God bless his soul. **

**Phew! **

**Okay so I'm going to put the answer to the question "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound?" in the beginning of the next chapter, so try to answer it, shoot me the answer in a pm or review and I'll hmmm…I will dedicate the chapter at the very top to the people that were close! Thanks guys!**

**Song to check out: Handlebars by the Flobots**

**Book to check out: Wildwood Dancing by Juliet Marillier**

**Movie to check out: The Dark Knight(-hint, hint) and Disney's Hercules!**

**This Chapter's Fanfic story to check out: Ghost by teardrop456. Thanks guys!**


	8. Sorry!

okay, so yes it is not another chapter. but i have some ucky news. my computer had decided to get infected and therefore i can not update anything. i do have all of my fiels but i cant relly update, in fact im lucky to even get this up. jeeze. so i feel relly bad cause i havent updated some things in forever, so here the deal. i will try to update, but it probly wont go too well, this is my mom's work comp and shes on it like 24/7 so we shall see. but pretty much if my comp doesnt get fixed, yall will have to wait for x-mas. but i swear, i wil be typing and editing on til x-mas so if i do have to get a new comp on december 25th EVERYTHING will be update possibly a chapter or two. i am sooooo sorry about leaving y'all hanging, but uggh! sorry guys, seriously. i will try to update. bye!

~Rae-Rae (Nicole says hi)


	9. The Road to Happily Ever After

_(I would like to point out to you, my lovely reader, that this is two days early! Your welcome!!)_

**Ashes to Cinders**

**Chapter Seven: The Road to Happily Ever After**

**NONE**** of the characters reflect my opinion on any topic that may or may not offend you- the reader!(accept for the British accents, that's all me!)**

**WARNING: FLUFF ALERT AND GUYS RUNNING AROUND IN THEIR UNDIES…(you know you like it!)**

-**Princess Ella/ Melanie- **

I sighed and looked into the foot long mirror(sorry that I'm not as interesting as Ethan -sigh-…I'll try harder!).

The black dress was off shoulder with midnight blue gauze on it…well covering the skirt anyway…Nothing that I would personally ever wear…but hell, I have no say in the matter. "Oh shut up!" Nicole said form behind me and forcefully pushed a safety pin into my ass. I jumped and screamed bloody-murder. She laughed wickedly.

"You suck _**my wienis**_!" I said _**(you know... that flap of skin on your elbow... hehe... I just gotta look from Ethan. I think I'm creepin' him out. Turning more and more into Nic)**_. She laughed even harder. I turned around to glare at her, but it was ruined by the fact that my tiara fell forward AND my hair _**went into automatic 'something tried to eat your head and failed' mode**__._ I sighed and tried to blow the pieces out of my face."Your turn." I told her. She stopped laughing and paled, but reluctantly went and put on her corset like a good little girl. _**I taught her so well. **_She braced her self against my massive bed. I put my foot up on the foot board and gave a big yank. Her breath hissed out between her teeth.

"Oh my God!" she cried. I laughed.

"It isn't even tight." she told me between gulps of air. I giggled and grabbed the string and was about ready to tug when my door slammed open. I stopped and looked over my shoulder, hoping that it was at least a woman. It was…thank god! Then I saw what woman it was…my mother. She looked at me with disapproval.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Helpin' Niki here." I replied, tugging hard on the corset string three times until I thought Nicole would be blue in the face. She mouthed

"Too tight!" at me. I smiled but loosened the string for her.

_**"It's a good thing I can read lips," I giggled. All she could manage was a grimace and the inhale of breath**_**. **

My mother looked me over and then came up and fixed my dress for me, so that it wasn't slipping off of my shoulders. She kissed me lightly on the forehead and smiled.

"This is for you…you know that right? You must find the right one here. At this ball. Alright darling?" she asked me, her pale hands on my shoulders.

"Yeah whatever mom." I replied.

"I think she's already found 'the one'." Nicole said with a snicker _**as she took the hand with a courtesy to an unseen gentlemen and began to dance around the room**_. I elbowed her in the ribs when she got too close. Needless to say _**this stopped her quickly**_**. **My mother looked at me disapprovingly.

"As long as you marry." she replied and then turned on her heels to leave. I turned on Nicole.

"What are you planning to wear?"

She smiled evilly and pulled out a black dress with a deep v-neckline that was filled in with blood red silk. There was slit up the side of the dress while the inside was the same red color. She slipped into it and pulled on a belt with attaching silver circles on her hips. She smiled again and reached under my bed and pulled out what Ethan likes to call a 'spork.' (I can kina see why!)

"Wow!" I said, surprised, her costume was better than mine…

"I know!" she replied, like a school girl.

I rolled my eyes and turned away to grab my small white mask. Another thing I wouldn't wear in a million years. It was simple swirls of silver thread and white beading. I place it on my nose and turned around, tiara still gripping onto the edges of my hair and the rest in my face. Nicole had her mask on, a simple blood red one that had black design of thread wound around the edges and then black leaves sprouting off like vines.

"Adam will love it!" I told her she smiled and motioned for me to sit down, sighing I complied.

She took a hot iron to my hair and did something painful to it and then something very painful to my face, but when she was done I looked like a princess. I sighed and waited for a second. Then when it couldn't be delayed, I placed the sapphire pendant to my throat, the tiara on and the white around my shoulders.

"Let's get this over with." I sighed and turned to Nicole she smiled wickedly, probably thinking about what she could do to Ethan to embarrass him in front of the "princess." Would he be mad when he found out? Just for good measure I packed a simple blue dress in a bag and placed it out side of my door for when I needed to escape the ball and see him at midnight. God this was going to be hell!

**XoxOxoX**

I looked from one parent to another, bewildered.

"Mom, dad?" I asked…probably for the third time in five minutes. My mom sighed.

"Yes sweetie." she said. I mean could you blame me? Usually my stiff parents were well…not so stiff. My mom was wearing a white gown and a midnight blue mask while dad…was…dressed in oh…flannel and pants…scary I know (did I mention he had a mask on with horns?...shutter)

"What are you two supposed to be?" I asked them.

"The moon goddess." my mom relied.

"I thought you were atheist." I said skeptically. Her cheeks flushed bright red.

"Well…I-I I'm not!" she said, stamping her foot…. My dad put a hand on her arm.

"Chill!" he said simply.

"You?" I asked him. He shrugged and smiled, looking past my shoulder. Foot steps sounded behind me. My heart quickened for no reason whatsoever and I turned around.

"Princess." the man said. Sweeping into a bow and flashing a bright smile my way. His black hair fell into his storm blue eyes. He was dressed in a simple black suit with a red carnation through the hole, there was also a black pinstripe bowler on his head. _Your pretty sexy_. I thought(I cant help it! I;ma woman! I'm weak to temptation! Oh unsex me gods!- hehe, went Old Shakes on you there (Macbeth!!!), oh what! And now I run…due to the fact that Ethan is chasing me with that bizarre look in his eye that makes me want to scream rape…bye!)

"Ah…yes?" I said intelligently. He held out his hand and slid a card into my palm while talking on about something. He nodded his goodbyes and headed to the hallway I looked at the card. _The banana boy is supported by the mafia. You hit him…we hit you. _it said. I gulped and tucked the card away. My parent grabbed my arms and dragged me to that ball room, needless to say I didn't not go quietly….

**XoxOxoX**

I sighed and looked around at all of the dancing people. No sign of Ethan yet…not that I was worried…no I would never be worried.

Something flashed in the distance. I squinted my eye and then blinked. The bat man sign? You have got to be kidding me! There is no… suddenly my dad jumped off of his throne and ran to the window. And then…yeah he started ripping all of his clothes off and stood there in his underwear…I hid my face.

Shit! Your kidding me! Shamrocks? Why were parents so embarrassing?

"Duty calls!" he shouted and then jumped out of the window. Everyone in the room looked after him…shocked and disturbed, except for the girls, they were sorta swooning. I felt…really embarrassed. My mom stood up.

"Sorry every one… he's got a small personality disorder problem, lets get back to the merry making!" she said. I ran over to her. She was muttering something along the lines of

"I swear when you come back here Christen you are dead!" or something like that. I laughed, startling her. He jumped and looked at me. And then waved over some distant prince and forced me to dance with him. I was hopeful when he walked over, after all he did have a reddish brown hair color, but he was too short and had the wrong eye color.

Sighing I accepted my fate…

**XoxOxoX**

**-Ethan-**

"'Cause it's not enough to make me look like bloody Harry Potter! No! You could've given me a suit or something alike, but nooo! You had to make me look like bloody Harry Potter and talk like him!" I shouted, throwing my arms in the air(not literally dumb-shit…sorry, I'm in a bad mood incase ya cant tell. I'll be nicer.)

I stomped my foot. (yes, very girly on my part, sorry. _**But you know there has got to be something wrong with the men that walk around wearing robes all day... i feel a breeze**_) and ignore the odd looks from the duck in the nearby pond.(Yeah I said duck! You got a problem with it?!) I brushed my fingers across my forehead, the damned scar was gone as were the glasses- but not the bloody accent! I grumbled to myself incoherently and stomped by the window, that was well…the window. (hold your horses, I'll get to it later! Jeeze! People these days…I'm starting to think that Nic got to yous guys…great! Now I'm talking in a British accent and like the Mafiafather! What next?) all of a sudden the glass shatters and I get tackled to ground by a man.

"Take that!" he laughed, punching my gut. Now if you had a random man jump out of a window and start to beat you up, you'd be freaked too! (did I mention that he was in just his under wear? Why were there shamrocks on it…? I thought that it was Halloween…)

"Dude! What the hell?!" I asked him in my incredibly sexy new accent (-raises eyebrows suggestively at the lady standing next to him…she slaps him…hard-) trying to get the bastard off of my stomach.

"You can't fool me this time!" he shouted, his black hair way wacky and wild."What are you talking about?!" I asked him, bringing up my hands to ward off his next punch. He started to tug at my hair and skin on my face…hard.

"I know that it's you! Joker!" he cried out. I had to laugh at that, despite the fact hat he was pulling on my nose. _**It clicked in my head**_**. **I mean this Looney thinks he's bat man?

"I'm... Potter." I said simply and with a sigh…well it was technically truthful…I did look like Potter…more or less at the moment. He got off of me. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Whoa…he's crazier than me!" the guy said and then ran off into the horizon.

"You're the Looney!" I shouted after him. I scoffed after he had gone.

Me? Crazier? Than him! Impossible! (You totally agree...right?)

**XoxOxoX**

I stood amazed at the top of the stairs, well no one could see me…yet…I think.

Oh, shut up! How am I supposed to know who has seen me and who hasn't! Jeeze! Alright, so I'm standing there and looking around at all of the silk draped from the ceiling and the golden pillars and stuff and then a voice coughs beside me.

"What?!" I snapped, annoyed. A short fat man with a ruffle around his neck that looks like an alien growth that eating his head comes over to me.

"Sir you have no mask." he says. _**I look at him with a blank stare and slowly raise my hand to make a rainbow over my heart**_**.**

"Duh." is all I tell 'Baron bon Fatso o' Lard Butts'.(Gimme a break! This man looks like he has to be frickin' rolled around the get somewhere!) He clears his throat again.

"I cant let you enter." he says. I glare at him, wishing that I could shoot lasers out of my eye balls, sadly I cant! Boo-hoo. Hey...that gave me a good idea for my next come back.

"Oh boo-hoo cry me a river and then go build me a bridge to get over it!" I say to Piggy.(see what I did there? If you where paying attention in your English class you'd know that it was called allusion((to the Lord Of The Flies!)))

"No I will not, either you get a mask or wait here all night."

"Do you know who I am?" I ask him before I an even think my actions through. He looks at me with those weird little beady black eyes.

"No I don't, nor do I care. But if it will make you leave, then who are you." I falter, he wasn't supposed to do that!!!!

"I am…" I hesitate, thinking it over…hell I'm not using my real name, jeeze no! too many questions from Mel if I show up looking like…this… "I am Evan, King of…" I hesitate again, damn it! Why did I have to say king? "I am King of the Banana Realm?" it comes out like a question. He looks at me funny and then the epiphany takes him over.

"O I'm sorry your majesty, I forgot that your people, as well as your highness refer to the jungles as such. Please enter." and then he bowed…Weird...I said the right thing for once…

I stepped by him (resisting the urge to say "thank you Tubbs…") and down the stairs that were covered in blue carpet.

And yes, everyone in the damn room stopped to look at me. (Happy now?)

I reached the bottom and walked toward the queen, bowing when I reached her…highness.(Hopefully mother in law to be! Ehehe) She was preeeeetty... for an old fart I guess…Blue eyes that look green or grey in certain light and then blonde hair that was almost brown. She was wearing an elaborate white dress and mask.

"Your majesty." I said simply bowing. She nodded to me, her eyes shifting to her right where a girl of about my age stood. She was wearing a black dress with a low neck line…and well…I got a tid bit…dreamy(X-rated day dreams are fun in my realm…-laughs evilly-) about it. She had a white ermine around her shoulders and then a silver tiara on her black hair. She regarded me curiously with cool emerald green eyes threaded through with gold…kinda like Mel's. Swirly, swirly in vortexy of greeny…hehe. Opps! Sorry (I'm NOT on drugs!! Okay…well maybe I am… your not gonna call the cops right? C'mon! I thought that we where buddies! Man! I should known that You'd rat me out! Damn well you know what? I'm telling the po-po that you supplied my coke!)

Alrighty then- so I bowed to her like the idiot I was and walked away. Cause like I said, I'm an idiot. From across the room I spotted Nic- I knew it was here because she was dressed as the devil (at least she didn't have to hide her tail or horns…). I walked over to her, attracting curious glances along the way. She was watching everyone and then straightened to her full horrendous height of five foot three when I walked over.

"Care to dance?" I grinned evilly, what could you do to someone without them knowing its not you? I'll answer that…lots.

"Yeah, wahtev." she said and then grabbed my hand- THANK GOD SHE WAS WEARNG GLOVES! I twirled her around to the corny music and then pounced.

"Who's your escort?" I asked.

"He disappeared."

"What does he look like I might have seen him." I said….cursed sexy accent!

"Blonde hair and the most amazing and sensitive blue eyes." she got a goofy smiled on her face now. I'm shocked, who knew Nic had a soft side?

"Oh yeah, I saw him…in the stables I think." I said.

"What was he doing there?" she asked startled.

"I don't know…sex noises…and then calling and yelling at someone named Becky?" I asked. Ohh, shed kill me later.

"WHAT?" she shouted, lots of people stopped moving and watched us curiously. I grinned.

"Yup.."

a\All of a sudden some guy runs by…butt naked…holy crap!!!!!!!!! What the hell??!?!?! And then chasing after him is a pink bunny man…on fire? Whoa! And a possum came after them shortly after. Nic seemed to forget about Adam and watched possum man run.

"What is up with dat possum?" she asked me suddenly.

I sighed, getting ready for my long-winded explanation that I would be making up as I went along.(Don't you roll your eyes at me!)

"Well, the possum got really hungry and then crept into a radioactive trash can and then grew to the size of a man and now he is chasing a bunny on fire because the bunny is his sister and _**she stole his wife from him because little did he know, she's a lesbian**_and his only son is running off with a horse… I think." I said to her, watching her face. She gave me a look in response to what I said and then turned to the door and started to walk about.

"Hey Nicole!" I called to her, something egging me on.

"Yo?" she said simply watching me curiously.

"Tree elves on crack are gonna eat you." I laughed and walked away leaving a totally bewildered Nicole behind me.

**XoxOxoX**

**-Melanie/Ella-**

I was digging my heels into the ground (let me tell you, doesn't work on marble!) trying to avoid dancing with Stinky McStinkerstien. -yeah I have no friggin idea either!- when all of a sudden I heard a totally familiar voice screaming something.

"You little bastard!" yup Nicole. My heart jumped, which means she musta found Ethan. Super…(I'm actually sorta hypervenalating at this point, but you don't need to know that!) a guy ran by, stopping in front of me. Yup the uh…what was his name again…? Oh right the Evan dude that thought he was king. He stopped in front of me and shouted back to Nicole.

"Am not! God woman! It was just a joke!" it sounded like something Ethan would say, but the fact that the looked a bit like Harry Potter and was talking in a British lilt led me to believe three things. A.) I am totally messed up and am seeing Ethan every where. B.) British accents are incredibly sexy. And C.) Nicole like to beat up random peopl.

She ran over and tackled him to the ground where he continued to insult her while she ripped at him with her nails. He held up his hands, shielding his face.

"Wow! I knew you liked me, but I didn't think you liked me like that!" she paused momentarily looking at him confused. His arms wrapped around her back and he pressed her closer to him. She screamed and slapped him across the face. He laughed, loudly.

"YOU FRICKIN BASATRD! YOU KNOW THAT I AM ENGAGED!" he was still laughing.

"What the hell were you thinking! I will kill you one day! I swear to god!"

"Ah, ah, ah!" he sad wagging his index finger at her, "No one will believe you if you tell them who you think I am!" she looked at him confused.

"I have all the proof I need!" she hissed.

"Well as far as you know I could happen to be very much like this boy of yours that you like to beat up, you have no proof." Nic leaned on her elbows. I wondered if she knew that she was still straddling this guy. He placed his hands behind his head and looked up, scanning the faces. His eyes stopped when he made eye contact with me.

So quickly that I didn't know if it happened or not, he winked.

"Jesus Christ, I hate your friggin guts!"

"I'm from Jupiter, you think I care?" he asked her. Nicole's face did this funny thing where it went from shock to anger to malicious glee.

"Aha! I got you! Proof right there!"

"Yes but if I recall when you heard that you were only with the guy that told you that statement, therefore no one else present heard it!" Nicole's face turned very red. She was going in for the kill."Besides- it was just a joke! Christ! And anyways, you so don't attract sharks." something about his last sentence rang a bell in my head, why did that sound familiar? Nic looked up at me.

"C'mon Ella! That has got to sound familiar to you!" I glared at her, if she had indeed caught Ethan he couldn't exactly know anything right about now.

"Vaguely." I said. Nicole grinned.

"See! See! It is him! I swear, don't you see?" she demanded. I squatted down so I was level with them. Evan was looking at me curiously, studying my face. I trained my eyes on Nicole.

"I see you straddling a guy on the floor of the ball room and accusing him of being Ethan." she paled and looked around at all of the people watching the incident. I raised my eyebrow at her. With a small laugh she stood up, getting off the stranger, but stepping on him as she left. He sighed and crossed his ankles, closing his eyes.

"You okay?" he opened one eye a fraction of an inch to look at me.

"I'm good, lemme sleep." I huffed indignantly.

"Fine." I walked off, after shooing the crowd that had formed.

**XoxOxoX**

I was scanning the crowd, being my insecure self and constantly wondering if everyone was having fun. My eyes caught hold of the Evan, guy. He was laughing and tipping something into the punch bowl (yeah, I know cliché right?) I ran over as fast as I could.

"What the hell are you doing?" he looked up innocently.

"What? I'm not doing anything! Jesus!" curse British accents…so sexy…(I am not drooling!)

"Yes you are! You were putting something into the punch!"

"Look, love, I did no such thing. Besides it is just punch." he smiled. I glared at him. His smile faltered. He looked defensive now.

"What? Don't tell me you don't like spiked punch! You're nuts! It is the best!" He laughed and pulled the bottle of liquor from behind his back.

"You know what, I totally agree with you." I smiled and picked up the big punch bowl. And then dumped its contents on him.

"Everyone loves punch." he glared at me and I walked away.

"You know what? Sometimes I wonder how exactly anyone puts up with you!" he called after me.

And like the mature adult I was, I turned around and stuck my tongue out at him. He just wagged his eyebrows at me suggestively. I balanced and walked quickly away.

**XoxOxoX**

**(A/N- I would like to point out that this whole friggin chapter has dramatic irony! Now my English teacher((who is so fricking cool it ain't even funny!)) wont kill me!)**

**XoxOxoX**

**A/N- Ello poppets! Long time no…read? Well I hope you like it! This was origionly supposed to be the last chapter(I had five other pages, but they weren't even near the end…they are in the next chapter) and I decide to make this a 7 paged thingy, instead of 20 bc believe or not, there is such a thing as too much Ethan! So the reason I told y'all to see batman, was so you'd recognize some of my allusion…like Christen…as in Christen Bale! Hehe, he's hot! Sooo, lemme know how you like it! (this was my personal favorite part!) **

**Book to read/ skim through~ City Of Bones (hint hint, nudge nudge, wink wink!)**

**And awesome song to check out~ His Favorite Christmas Story, by Cpaital Lights.**

**OKAY! MERRY CHRISTMAS POPPETS! AND TO EACH HIS OWN!(as in if you ain't a christen, like me, I celebrate the pagan holiday of celebrating a good harvest ((Hell, no offense, but something had to happen before that lord's son…)**


	10. Finally

**Ashes to Cinders**

**Chapter Nine: Finally!**

**NOTE: none of my characters reflect my views and are put there to offend you- the reader… Enjoy!**

'**NOTHER NOTE: Ethan went pervert on us for a while….so bear with him…please.**

**-Ethan-**  
I shook out my wet limbs. Damn it! **_Dudette! I thought I wasn't in Shamoo's splash zone! _**And I wasn't really spiking the punch, it was just water... in a liquor bottle. Jesus Christ (I like the guy, honestly! He just doesn't like me…) Friggin' high maintenance divas. I glanced at the clock. Nine. So only three hours until I had to meet Mel. Sighing, I went out of one of the doors. **_So big... tehe..._**

" God damn it. **_Oh! I mean Alah damn it... _**I need a new suit or something," I grumbled.

"Ya know, I really don't appreciate you ruining this one, it is one of my best," I looked toward the direction that the voice had come from and who do I find? Three guess…first two don't count! Yup that's right- Father Chipmunk.

"Dude, seriously just gimme another suit!" he raised an eyebrow at my impatient tone and crossed his arms.

"Honestly, you gonna sex up this time?" **_Guys, is it just Dimples' cheeks bringing me into their orbit, or did he just say... you gonna sex up this time... His response,_**

**_"I'm tryin to be more kid friendly!"Good job Barney... Where's Baby Bop?_** And all the time I was thinkin...wow he really does have puffy cheeks... Haha, I wonder how he got them…marshmellows? Man I'd kill for some right about now- wait wait wait... time out...what was I doing? Oh right.

"yeah, yeah Dimples." I muttered. Sighing, he clapped his hands and then a new suit popped up.

"Seriously? That's it? Just clapping?"

"Well what did you want?"

"I don't know... a song and dance and wand maybe?"

"Hey, **_I ain't no two cent hooker!_**I got my eye on you kid." he did the creepy eye to eye thing and then pooffed off. **_Way to keep it g Barney... I knew he did drugs and little kids behind the scenes..._**Whoa. Mafia father is a messed up man with chipmunk cheeks. I laughed and went back into the ballroom. Right, so not screwing up, even though that'd be really hard to do…  
I paused at the door, right so where were Nic and Adam? **_Torturing is a beautiful art and I am a Picasso._**I saw them and when I was about to go towards them I registered something different. Adam was running around in a diaper. **_OOOOOOOOOOOOO! Sexy... I'm so not gay. I'm dude, pass me another joint._**I pushed to the front of the crowd that had gathered.

"No way man!" I shouted to him. He looked over at me and smiled sheepishly. Nic sorta glared at me. I blew her a kiss. She made to move towards me, but diaper man caught her attention again. **Then ****_again, he was grabbing EVERYONE'S attention_****.**

"C'mon Nic! It isn't that bad!" I called to her. She glared. "Hey on the bright side, you have something to occupy your time- potty traing Adam!" she smiled a bit at this while Adam turned CRIMSON!!!! **_BOOM BABY!!!_**** (**_**YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS CRIMSON ETHAN**__?!?!..._**_o crap... medic...Nic! don't touch me there_****_)_**

"Hey Ethan, I suggest you shut it…I can do things." Adam called to me. I stepped into the circle with them.

"What things?" I asked, with an exaggeration.

"Things.." he said again, raising his eyes brows.

"Look, dude I honestly don't find a grown man in a diaper very threatening. **_Although,_****_Cupid scares the shit out of me!(_****a baby in a diaper…with a bow and arrow…what could go wrong?)****_ You could be his twin for all I know! So you got scary relations... Hey man, we can't pick our family!_**" He lunged to me and tackled me. I screamed, you would too if you had your best friend sat on you wearing a diaper.

"Rape, Rape, Rape!" I yelled. Nicole laughed.

"You artard! You're supposed to yell fire! dipshit..." I looked over at her, which meant around Adam. **_We probably looked like something out of a really bad porno... Two guys on top of each other...One of whom is in a diaper... NINJA!!!!! (Get an urban dictionary people!)_**

"Yeah, but if you yell fire people just come to watch because it is a fire, where as you yell rape people come to watch the show as well, but they get more pleasure cause it is like free porn." I told her. She laughed.

"That is sick and wrong on so many levels," Nicole said, laughing.

"Dude, get off of me!" Adam laughed.

"Not a chance baby!"**_I threw my leg around him and pulled him in close like an old Hollywood movie sex scene_**_._

"Damnit! I knew that you were cheating on me with him!" that'd be Nicole. I looked around Adam at her once again.

"Yes, we've been meaning to tell you Nicole, it is our three month anniversary and we like to roll play during sex, sorry that you have to witness it, but there is plenty of room should you want to join in, **_after all, three somes are so much better than just mono eh emo sex,_**" I said, patting the floor beside me. She pretended to vomit. And then the circle parted and the queen stood there.

"Hey your highness!" I called she glared at me. I shrugged. "What? You want in to? I call dibs on the milf!" Nicole paled and shook her head no. "What?" I asked. The queen smiled and walked over to me, the only sound her high-heel clacking on the floor (see, around this point, I'm scared enough to pee myself. ;D) she tugged Adam off of me and looked down, stood him up, patted him on the back and put a nice smile on her face.

"And who might you be?" she asked.

"I am a deranged escaped lunatic that your daughter has decide to befriend on humanitarian grounds." I said, now if I had been standing, I woulda bowed nice and deeply. **_Instead I just lay there with my legs spread eagle. I thought about asking her if she'd like to have a real ninja work his magic on her instead of old BAT MAN! But I didn't have time to get it out before she grinned a grin that made me finally pee myself. Crap... Now Dimples is really gonna kill me..._**

"Really? Interesting. Well, you can call an electric eel a rubber duck, but it will still be an eel and God help the poor bastard that decides to get in the bath with the ducky." **She just ****_moved up to a 10 on the MILF list_****. **I guess there was something hidden in her word because suddenly her foot came down on my throat. **_huhu... kinky... (I CAN SEE UP YOUR DREeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeSS!!!!!!!!!)_**

"Alright people, back to what you were doing. You stay." she was obviously referring to me seeing as I was trying to squirm away from her foot. I sighed. **_She must have had practice with this on Bat Man._**

"This is great and all but the kinkiness level is rising fast, and making me oddly uncomfortable." You girls wanna know what happens when guys hormones get in a tizzy? This, as in my current state of perverted-ness. And do you know what makes my situation better? Moldyvort comes tearing through the crowd! Yup that's right, Moldyvort!

"What is the meaning of this?" she demanded. "Ethan!" she hissed looking at me.

"Oh c'mon! Are the royals the only ones that can't see me?" I gripped. Moldyvort glared at me, while the queen looked down curiously, probably calculating my current cringing stage.

"You know what, I think that your…mother, is that right?, here will do better job of punishing you than I could." the queen said, not thinking about this for a second and I bet you can see what was running through my mind, hint it involves leather, chains and a bed…hehe.

"You know what, I totally agree with you. Your highness, can I please speak with you? I haven't exactly been myself," she sighed and let me get up.

"What?" I held a hand out... she looked at it, she laughed, and stayed right where she was.

"Alright, so I am sorry, I'm not normally like this." I started while she raised an eyebrow. "Would you believe me if I told you I got abducted by flesh eating weasels and possum man over there and my brain got transplanted?" I asked her. She laughed.

"No, sorry. Who are you exactly?"

"Okay, I'm Ethan, but I'm here as Evan, king of I forget, I think it was a banana realm. And well... see, I'm here cause my friend forced me to come and I hang out with Nic and Adam sometimes, for like three months now, and I can't find the other girl I usually hang out with, and now I feel like a retard, and I swear I'm not normally this perverted," I stopped taking a deep breath. She looked up and then gaped. I followed her gaze. And had to laugh at what I saw. So picture this. Adam in a diaper and Nicole in a devils dress. Cupid…haha, sharp contrast between those two lovers. But anyways. He was holding her and moving upward, to the ceiling(I wonder how he got the rigging system for that up in time…). Nicole was shouting at him and he was shouting at her, and you just catch some of the things they were saying.

"Put me down! What the hell-"

"Just listen for like six-"

"You faggot! I don't wanna-"

"Seriously though, I swear-"

"Damn it! Just drop-"

"Nicole seriously! Listen for like-"

"..No or I'll scream!"

"Please don't!"

"I will!"

"Is she really going to scream?" the queen asked me. I looked up a Nicole.

"Yeah. This ought to be fun."

"Oh hell!" that'd be Adam and then suddenly there was an extremely loud scream and yeah, glass fricking cracked all over the place. I put my hands to my ears.

"Holy shit Nicole!" I shouted. I heard her laugh, or was it another scream. And then I looked back up to see that Nicole's shoe was falling into the crowd.

"OW!" someone yelled as the shoe probably hit them in the eye. I shook my head.

"Nicole, Nicole, always gotta hurt people…" the queen looked at me.

"I'll grant you a pardon, just this once, alright? I don't want anymore shit outa you."

"Yes your majesty!" I said, saluting her.

"Now tell me, who is your friend that forced you here?"

"Melanie, about yay tall," I said holding my hand to my shoulder(jeeze Mel is short! Ah! Short person with a chain saw! Runnnn away!!!) "Black hair, green eyes."

"Oh, yes…Mel.." the queen looked a bit dazed. "Um, I don't think she's here right now. I'll let you know if I find her." I nodded my head thanks and walked away.  
**XoxOxoX**

So pretty much after Adam and Nicole's dramactic exit there wasn't too much going on. I mean yeah…I had to run away from Helga and Olga (they wanted a dance with me…guess the royals aren't the only one that don't know what I look like!) oh yeah and Mildew…she fell into a bowl of punch. So the gist of it is that the next hour sucked!

After that hour I'm minding my own business, as in dancing with a lady that had her boobs hanging out of her dress (I swear I didn't touch them! Does't mean I didn't want to! Uhoh…here come Mel! Crap! Chain saw alret! **But dudette! They were super HOOTERS! Ahhhhh!**) okay like I said I'm dancing with this lady when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Now because I was dancing with a lady and her two best friends I was slightly ticked off. So what do I do? Something stupid!

"What?!" I demanded of the midget behind me. The little girl looked up and grinned widely.

"Hi Ethan!" she said. Okayyy….not weird!

"Yeah…can I help you…?" I asked her…hinting that she should go into a hole and die. **_Trust me, I'll be there to kick the dirt in after you._**

"Yes! You know me right?" she asked me, looking like I was just her favorite person in the world **_while my THREE favorite person and her friends sauntered off. I drooled after them in a fixed gaze until... right... midget in front of me..._**I raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry I don't associate with kindergartners…**_I don't want to go back to jail for that again.._****.**now scurry along little girl." I said. Her face turned red.

"I know you." She whispered. Okay now it was starting to get scary. "I watched you when you stayed here." I turned around to the lady who had disappeared and grimaced.

"You know what kid…that's kinda weird." I said moving away.

"You like Mel. Well guess what she thinks she's all that and a bag of chips-but shes not!"

"okay… POLICE!" I yelled moving away faster.

"I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP!" she shouted. Now at that point I turned on my heels and bolted. Only to be caught by the queen. Screwed up night, am I right? **_Oh I wish!_**Now guess what! On her other arm is the princess.

"Yo?" I said. The queen smiled wickedly.

"Ella, Evan, Evan, Ella." She said simply. I bowed and tried to move away, but she gripped my arm tightly.

"You two- dance now." She commanded and then left. I sighed and glanced at the princess. She had her arms crossed and was looking away from me her chin lifted in that haughty way Mel sometimes did. I bowed and grinned.

"Might as well why we are here, don't you think, love?" I asked her. She grimaced and turned around I put my hands where they were supposed to go...**_when I'm in public_****...** and then bam! Clock chimes eleven thirty (climax is nearing!). Now yeah…that's pretty stupid but what ever… so there we go me and the princess are moving around on the dance floor. And you know what? I don't like it. I mean I like dancing with her cause she was pretty and all but I didn't like her. Does that make sense?

No? I didn't think so… well lets put it this way and don't pee yourself because you have been waiting forever to here this but here we go- _yo me muy gusta mel*! _Ahah! Pulled Spanish two on your sorry asses! Now what oooh!!!! Okay… stoping now. _Bailo con Ella.__*****__ Ella no muy bien partren.*No tengo pene*…_ Oops!! Srry bout that last one… and yeah I do have _un_ _pene! _

**_You peeps need a dictionary yet? I'm thinkin bout startin a show, "_**_**Are You Smarter Than an Ethan".**__**..**_(The answer to that question is no....duh!!!!) Okay… so there. We are moving on the dance floor, lack of conversation and I'm tempted to do the awkward palm trees, but I don't! cause I'm better than that! Now all of a sudden the princess (Ella) starts to talk. (OmiGod moment! Get the Polaroid!)

"Sorry about Nicole." She says smiling sheepishly. I say nothing, wondering why her voice sounds familiar.

"Sorry about adding water to your punch." I say. She looks up startled.

"You mean you weren't actually spiking it?" she asked me. I smiled.

"Now really love, why would I ever do such a thing?" my accent is getting on my nerves! You know that it is bad when your own voice annoys you!

"Well you never know."

"Point…So…" I say.

"Have you seen someone named Ethan?" she blurts out. I freeze what the fu- sorry not a family word, **_I think I'll go Barney too, except I want to be Jeff from Blues Clues...That's the dude's name right?_**_-_ what the FUDGE?!

"uhhh….why??" why is the princess asking about me? Holy shit this is getting weirder and weirder!

"I was supposed to meet him here." Her? What did Mel do? **_I didn't think she had it in her to be diabolical. (I'm so proud of her! i must have rubbed off on her! and Mildred always said that i was a bad influence!)_**Well guess it is time to come clean.

"You know how I'm British and such?" I asked her she laughed. "well I've been lying to you."

"I know! Your accent isn't English! It's Australian!" well dress me up and call me a llama, this girl is stupid!

"Yeah…I guess. **_Just put me on top of an alligator and call me Steve_****,**" I say instead.

"So about this guy are you sure that-" she turned around. The face a group of angry protesters of all bearing signs with the acronym T.A.K.O.P. on it were looking at us. I wondered what it meant (To All Kites Off Poland? Nah that doesn't sound right ummm Tree Association Kids On Peaches? Hnah that doesn't sound right either… **_Tennessee Association for Kids on Pot? wrongo_**_..._umm hey I thought of an acronym I heard the other day! For some reason my name was in it! Ask Nicole!)

"Can I help you?" she asked, they glared at her.

"Yes, we are talking to all the teens here about our organization." He said with a slight lisp. I covered my mouth and grabbed my gut. **_And how are you JorGAY_****!**

"Sure what is it?" said the princess with a raised eyebrow.

"Teens Against Kitties On Poles." The princess laughed a bit and I rasied an eyebrow at them(I never would have guessed that one… they did know about that sexual innuendo right?)

"Are you serious?" I asked the guy nodded his head and I laughed, fallin to the ground and, **_here's an accronym for you, LMAO_**.

"What is so funny?" the lispy dude demanded.

"Your fricking acronym! That's what! What the hell?" I asked him, noticing that my accent wa fading and then bam clock struck twelve the princess looked up and ran away, out the doors. I shrugged my shoulders and left too feeling my features go back to normal. I wandered to the stables and hung out there and Mel came bustling around the side in a simple green dress and a crown on her head. The same one the princess was wearing, in fact pretty much the princess except the dress…I froze. No fricking way…was that…holy shit…you have got to be screwing with me…

"Hey Mel. How was your night?" trying to play it cool and failing miserably, but hey that's just me…(And this girl might be the freaking PRINCESS! HOLY COWS!!!!! **_I feel like I just got ninjad... and I haven't even done anything naughty tonight...well that's not true...I did grab-ahhh! kids! I'm a saint! I swear! *grins evilly*Don't kill me!_**_) _

"Fine, yours?" she seemed flustered, disappointed almost.

"What's your middle-name?" I asked her instead.

"Oh Melanie." She said brushing it off, damn it…wait then…

"What's your first name? Like birth one?"

"Ella, everyone calls me Melanie though." I'm standing there at this point, dumbstruck Mel is the f***ing princess! Wait you knew? THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!!!?!?!?!? (you cant trust people these days! **_I trust the lispy dude from TAKOP more than you guys!... now that's saying something... SU-FI TO YOU!!!!!!!_**_)_

"You're the princess!" I said. She looked startled and her face turned red.

"No I am not!" she instated.

"Uh-huh!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yea-huh!"

"Not-uh!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not, I didn't even go to the fricking dance! I was on my way down when I remembered you, you lucky bastard."

"Who spiked the punch?"

"Evan, but its okay I dumped it on him." I rasied and eyebrow. Her mouth turned down and she screamed "Shit! You got me!" she turned away covering her eyes with her hands.

"It's all good. 'Cept for the fact that you…oh I don't know –LIED TO ME!" I laughed. She turned around and punched my gut. Ouch, Nicole's been teaching her some new tricks.

"Nice one" I wheezed. She smiled and shook out her hand.

"You weren't there." She said. I grimaced.

"Yeah, I was."

"I didn't see you."

"That's cause Nicole was talking to me, your mother stepped on me and you dumped a bowl of punch on me, what is with you royal girls? Oh yeah and this loon that thought he was Batman beat me up before I even got in there!" I told her. She laughed a bit and rubbed her neck embarrassed_. _**_I sat there totally indifferent with my usual slouch and drool hanging out of my mouth. Put me in a furry suit and I coulda been Chubacka!_**

"So you were Evan?"

"Righto."

"Don't ever do that again."

"And why not? **It ****_was a PIMP! Their friends with that TAKOP organization. That's where all the good parties are. Party In My Pants..._**_"_

"I might just have to kill you."

"I'm not your cousin that'd be incest."

"Hwy?"

"Because I plan to marry you." She raised and eyebrow and I finally thought those words that had been evading me since the day I met this girl.

"Really, where do I work into your plans."

"Well first we do this."I placed my hands on the sides of her face and drew her towards me, I got a tap on the shoulder.

"What?" I groaned turning around. It was Adam and Nicole. Holding hands.

"Were married!" Nicole squealed,

"Congrats! And Adam, I see you've upgraded!" he glared at me.

"What are you two doing?" Nicole asked.

"Shove off!" I shouted. They jumped and glared, but went away, probably to "seal the deal." **_*shutter convulsivly*_**I turned back to Mel.\

"Try this one more time?" she asked. I smiled and drew her towards me, a throat cleared.

"Oh my God!" I yelled. Turning to the voice. It was looney Batman man.

"Dad?" Mel asked. Oh great_! _**_I LUV her mom, her, and now I gots me a crazy soon to be father in law! This story is turnin out to be total BS! IDK why you guys luv me so! WAIT! BABY COME BACK! YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON ME AND MR. MOP!_**

"Honey, what are you doing?"

"Chill out dad, I picked him, he picked me, we are good to go! Please just go away!" she said to him, clearly exasperated. He shrugged and looked at me.

"No funny business, alright boy?" he asked me. I saluted him.

"Yes sir. **_HEY! CHECK IT! IT'S THE JOKER! You'd better go catch him! But I'd watch out for Nicole, she's in love with him too seeing as I'm in love with her husband,_**_" _**_He started and sprinted off into the night! Fist held high shouting, "AWAY!"_**

"Now, where were we?"

"Here." she said, wrapping her arms around my neck, we were just about there too when, once again I got tapped on my shoulder.

"Holy shit! What the hell do YOU want?" I shouted, turning around. It was Midlred.

"What are you two doing? Are you using a condom, are you sure neither of you has herpes, have you been faithful? **_Did you just jizz in your pants Andy?_**_"_ Mildew asked. I was about to punch her lights out when a cane hooked her throat and dragged her sides ways. I looked into the bushes, it was Nicole and Adam. They gave me a thumbs up.

"Oh c'mon! Y'all arent seriously watching us, are you?" I groaned.

"Yup! **_Don't make me bring out the camera and make this a Kodak moment_****!**" Nicole called.

"Hey, Nic _**if you and Adam don't screw off right now I am chaining you to a chair and cutting all of your hair off and Adam, I will put a pirate hat on your head cuz you sure did have your Jolly Roger at full mast throughout the whole time you two were gettin' hitched**_!" They both looked at each other and ran away. **_In the process, a camera fell out of the bushes and went off. Mel and I, now blinded, had to take another tap out to recover from this tragic incident._** Finally, I turned back to Melanie.

"Wonder if we are ever gonna get through this moment?" I asked.

"Lets see." she suggested. I wrapped my arms around her waist and she wrapped her's around my necks. And once again, almost there and I got tapped. I turned around, and Mel turned the other way.

"What?" we both shouted at the same time. The scary kid grinned at me. I looked over to Mel, who was looking at the bitch behind me, she had T.A.K.O.P. behind her, glaring. I turned around, Mel did to.

"Hold that thought," we said at the same time. And then we got our kiss.

(That's all I'm describing to you people about our kiss, but if you wanna know, ask me later!)

THE END!!!!!!!!!

kidding! I turned around and did some wicked ass ninja moves on da scary chick and then she got knocked out and Mel and I rode off and got married in Canada. _**Ahhhh... good old Canada... THE END!!!!**_

Okay I lied...again! Oh c'mon gimme a break! The big kiss is supposed to be the end and all but we still have a lot more to cover, okay so where were we? Right so...this is a brief summary. We went inside and told her mother what was going on. I told Mildred and she glared at me and then shouted at her "sons" (who were miraculously turning into women before my very eyes…and they weren't half bad looking….ewwwwwww incest_! _**_I'M SO NOT GAY! But that awkward turtle is HOT!_**_)._ Nicole came up and hooked her arm around my neck and brought me leval with her. I cringed (what I thought she was gonna punch me!)

"Finally! Took y'all long enough, wouldn't you say bro?" she asked me. I looked at her, surprised.

"Bro?"

"Yup- we are half siblings…ya know our dad got frisky when he went to meet up with your mom…so here I am! **_Guess that makes me the maid of horror at your weddin bro!_**" she said.

"Ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!" was the only thing I could think of, shaking her off. She glared at me and brought out a big butchers knife. I turned and started to run away, screaming "RAPE" and "MEDIC!" and **"****_WHY SWEET BABY JESUS?!?!"_**** and "****_UHOH LULU_****!"** and then I turned around, forgetting something I stopped in front of Mel and kissed her on the cheek.

"I love you." There I said it! Out loud to her! Now guess what happens? Nicole comes after me with a knife and I run away and so that's how my life with Mel and my crazy ass half-sister began…almost ended….but was wickedly awesome (that was totally anticlimactic…wasn't it?) owel! One last thing to say!!!!:

THANKS FOR READING EVEN IF I LIED HALF THE TIME AND NEVER ELABORATED ON THAT GOLDFISH!!!!!!

(and if you want to make your self happy imagine of me and Mel riding off into the sunset with soda cans behind us and a horse's ass reading "just hitched!" go ahead. Okay….so honestly this is the end and I don't wanna stop talking but I gotta coz Rae says she gonna kill me! So buh-bye all my faithful readers!)

**XoxOxoX**

**A/N- Okay so that is officially the end (we are doing an epiloug…duh!) okay so all that and a bag of chips- para of Fred, he's funny! And we will get to the Spanish in a second, so depends on how many people want two epilogues and we get enough responses, we'll do a sequel! Good bye for now everyone!**

***I really like Mel**

*** I am dancing with Ella**

***Ella isn't a good dancing partner**

***I don't have a penis.**

**(result of when you get bored in Spanish class and ya got a dictionary!)**

**Fair thee well! Ahah, sorry bout the anticlimactic ending….(snif..)**


	11. It's Just Two Little Words

**Ashes to Cinders**

_**Epilouge: It's Just Two Little Words**_

**_A/N: OMG!!!!! i'm sorry guys that this took too long!!!! this was way overdue! owell i'm sorry, really! and becasue i'm so nice i have outtakes for you! but really- sorry that this took so damn long! i have no excuse whatsoever! ENHJOY!_**

_*Note- Do not write an epilogue about Ethan to Lady Gaga and Pink Floyd the result is this madness:_

As the saying goes life progressed.

A week became two weeks, then a month, a month, two moths.

And then it was wedding day.

The first nineteen years of my life had been full of twists, turns, new friends, punishments, disappointments, and then things that made me so happy I could cry (yes, I mean Mel.

_**W-O-W…She turned me into a sap! … oh my Gandhi I'm pathetic!).**_

So standing at the alter with my lovely fiancé (just to have a special moment, she looked ravishing in white!) across form me, Adam making eyes at Nicole who was trying to seduce him (failing! _**Oh whata bitch!**_) it dawned on me how lucky I was to have these three people. And how strong our friendship was even though we hadn't even know each other a year.

Nicole was even smiling… but she was my half sister she did kinda have to be happy for me… right?

Now as was my custom I attracted some…odd moments (okay so I made some!). As my thoughts are being all grateful and stuff I hear a throat clear.

"Huh?" I say acting all educated.

"Ethan!" Mel hissed at me, her eyes flicking to the priest who was looking at me expectantly.

"What?" I mouthed.

"I do!" Nicole's lips formed the words. I raised an eyebrow at her, curious (of course I knew that was the part where I was supposed tot say I do!) I turned to Mel and winked at her.

"What are you doin'?" she hissed.

"Trust me,_** we are husband and wife now, right?**_" I whispered back. By now the people in the pews were coughing and shifting uncomfortably.

"Nope." I said plainly _**while putting my hands behind my back and rocking back and forth on my heels.**_

"What the hell?" Nic shouted, staring at me in shock, her face slowly turning a violent shade of red. _**I twitched in fear of my life.**_ _**Then her face went blank with shock and she turned to the priest.**_

_**"Oh wait," she sighed and then continued, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned," I laughed. She...begging… for forgiveness... BAH! I mean even to a priest, it's just too funny!**_

I smiled, truing to the priest, or is a Rabi? I really dunno what he is!

"Look Mr. Priestly dude. You didn't do it right. I don't want Melanie to be just my wife. I want her to be my best friend, my love, my life. So if you'd say it correctly then I'll answer your damn question, _**and let me follow our Maid of Horror's lead in asking for forgiveness of the Big Guns and your priestliness while I'm at it**_." Mel was looking at me with the particular expression that said I'd hit you if I didn't love you so damn much. Love. I'm tossing that word around quiet a lot aren't i? _**As I said before- I'ma PANSY! **_

"Well…okay… do you take Princess Melanie to be you wife, your-" I cut him of

"Yes. I do." I whispered. Mel sniffed her eyes bright with tears and I caught her up and well…

"You may kiss the bride."

_**We looked at each other, staring into each other's eyes, until I couldn't bear it anymore and went in for the kiss. As I'm movin' in to make our big scene, my nose starts twitchin... and itchin... until I was about to kiss her and...**_

_**ACHOOO! **_

_**Big ass snot bubble all over her! I couldn't help it, I fell to the floor laughing like a dumbstruck hyena. Of course, my beautiful snot rocket caused the whole NASA organization that was our audience to errupt into laughter as well. Mel screamed bloody murder and Nic rushed to help her clean up.**_

_**"You're such a bastard Ethan!" Nic yelled at me.**_

_**Between fits of laughter I retorted, "It's just a normal bodily function at the wrong time! Just like you snort when you laugh!"**_

_**She looked up from helping my bride and ... o boy if looks could kill! As we all regained control of our senses and Mel her face from my snot, the priest asked, "Would you like to try again?"**_

_**"You DON'T have to sneeze do you?" Mel asked with a glare at me. I sniffed the air.**_

_**"Nope, all good,"**_

And thus we did. _**(Besides the whole sneezing incident, this is about the only time I can remember following orders… For the most part.)**_

No worries, it gets even better!

"'Cuse me." I hear a woman's voice say. Mel and I part and turn to look at her. She's got blue eyes brown hair and is wearing this pink and zebra dress with the biggest skirt I've ever seen.

"Uh who are you?" Mel asks her. I notice a tiara on this girl's head.

"Who am I? _**YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT…WRONG?... OMIGOD THE DUDE ASKED **_WHO AM I?" she shouts. I cringe back, little bit scared _**of the petite girl that turned into the scariest thing you can make outa pink**_ . Mel stretched to her full height that ultimately makes her a good six inches shorter than me.

"Yes. Who. Are. You?" she asks again.

"I am Princess Paxton Rosalie Ariel Thorton-Rose Love-Perry Hawthorn! I'm beautiful, dirty, rich, rich!" she exclaims in a loud an unnecessary manner.

"Wow. Long name you got there." I say she switches her gaze to me and smiles brightly.

"I know! Isn't amazing?" the girl gushes.

"What are you princess of?" Nic asks her, trying not to laugh. Adam is standing beside her one of his hands not in view.

"I know where your hand is!" I sing-song. The "Princess" looks at me funny.

"Not you- Adam." I say Adam and Nic both blush and his hand come back into view.

"Ewwww." Melanie says, wrinkling her nose adorably. Ack! I'm love struck!

"I'm Princess of this kingdom!" She says.

"No I am." Mel says.

"Nah-huh!" Princess P says.

"Yea-huh!" Mel retorts.

"Oh sweet baby Jesus! _**Bitch gotta get the blushin' bride all puffed up! Lord have mercy on Michael Jackson's soul!**_" Nic says in exasperation. I sigh, knowing what's coming next.

"Nah-huh"

"Yea-huh"

"Nah-huh'

"Yea-huh"

"NAH-HUH"

"YEA-HUH!"

"Ladies, Ladies!" I say stepping between them. They both glare at me. "I know you both want me, but really, _**there's enough Ethan to go around**_!" I say. Mel glares at me and grabs my hand, pointing to the thick band of gold that is my wedding band.

"This means you're mine, no more of that shit. Got it?" She hissed. I smiled and grabb her waist dipping her back and kissing her until she is laughing.

"Of course." I say.

"OOO! I want some!" The "Princess" shouts, grabbing a fist full of my shirt and yanking me away from Mel.

"What the hell? _**UNCLE!**_" I manage to shout before she jumps on me, forcing me to he ground her on top and her lips pressed to mine _**and she's totally like dryhumpin' me! WTF?! (Although,... if this is the normal wedding routine, hot girls all over me, I think I could go through a couple of divorces. Oh crap... Mel, put the chainsaw down! O shit! Nic's got one tooo! I was kidding!)**_ I'm sitting there like a dumbshit, because I don't have a single _**idea**_ of what just happened, Mel looks pretty damn pissed off and then we all hear another voice.

"Paxton?" It's a guy, really tall but kind of average, dressed like an ordinary townsperson.

"Oh, Silver, you're home early!" she says blushing and climbing off of me, which adam jerks me up and Mel grabs my wrist in a death grip.

"We don't live here." The guy says looking around his nutter girl friend, "Sorry, she tends to do this. C'mon hon, lets go home." He said, a little bit more quietly.

"Princess Paxton Ariel Thorton-Rose Love-Perry Hawthorn away!"

This weird person who thinks she's princess shouted, a rope fell out of the sky and she climbs up t lighting fast, her shoe falling off and hitting someone in the eye…_**Day-sha-voo!...**_

Her boyfriend sighs and turns on his heal walking out of the church.

"OW!" they shout. I laugh and turn to look at Nicole.

"Do you think we are related to her?" I asked. Nicole laughs and shakes her head.

"I don't know._** But then again, who would have guessed we were related? (or would WANT to be related to you...)**_"

"Hmm." I say. Mel smiles, placing her hand on my cheek.

"Guess what time it is!" She whispered.

"Potter Puppet pals time?" I ask her. She smiled brightly.

"Nope. Honeymoon." I gulp.

"Oh that."

"Oh c'mon! You aren't afraid are you? We gotta seal the deal!" She said with a pout. I grin and pull her to my side.

"Of Course."

"I love you Ethan." She whispers, putting her hand in the air and waving at the crowd of people who immediately erupt into cheers. I follow suit.

"I love you too Melanie." I say, just for her ears only.

So that's my story. As for us living happily ever after, we didn't- we lived crazily ever after. And now I thank you reader, no friend, because over the course of my story we have become such. I have let you into my world, know my thoughts and my life, and I'm glad that you listened. _**In the words of Asher Rother, "Do I really have to graduate or can I just stay here for the rest of my life?" That's totally how it is, my life is college, and I love the way it is. Fudge it, I rule. Period**_.

_XOXOXOXOX_

**A/N- alright, there you have it- the wedding! Okay so yeah last chapter, want to say thanks bunches to everyone that read Ethan's story and kept with it no matter how confusing Nicole and I got! So yeah, I don't have much to say! Other than here's a little piece of dialogue between me and Nicole regarding this chapter:**

**R: So Nicole: do we make it a sweet and sentimental chapter?**

**N:**** _Aww ya! Oh wait, do you hear that... "If you build it, they will"..... NEVER COME! Unlike Brandon in the back of math class... Lol! But it is a wedding Rachel, so it's gotta have a little bit of mush in it. I love it! But commin' from Ethan it just sounds weird. O well. At least we got his pervertedness to level it out! And I'm sure Nic'll find a way to ruin a moment or two, wink wink!_**


	12. Outtakes

**Ashes to Cinders**

**Outtakes**

_Note- okay I took this stuff out in the original story and ya know, I missed Ethan so much that hell, I'll post this doesn't matter who reads it! So if have at it!_

_Just a quick note for you guys- if it's in italic, then it's the original work, as in what you read_.

**This one is from **_Chapter Five: Moral Values_**. Instead of explaining it, I'm just going to put a snippet of the original published chapter in front just to jog your memory! (This one is from Mel's POV)**

**-Ethan-**

"_I have to go." I replied, jerking on my shirt, cursing all the while.  
"Why?"  
"I just do, alright? Maybe I'll see you around, depends on how long my wound takes to heal." I muttered.  
"What?" she asked horrified.  
"Nothing." muttered, running through the forest back to the servants courtyard. Mel tried to keep pace, but feel several times….Sometimes I hated my life…  
_**-Mel-**

I tired to keep pace with Ethan, but he was going too fast. I wanted to cry out with frustration and yell at him to slow down, but I had never seen this side of him. He was cursing with every step and his green-gold eyes were flashing with anger.

"Ethan?" I tired again. His eye flicked toward me and then back ahead, he muttered something under his breath that I couldn't catch. Was he going away? Again?

"Ethan, are you going away…again?" I asked, running in front and stopping him. I couldn't help it, tears started. He was the only thing that gave me freedom in this whole damned castle! He looked at me and my pitiful state. He let out a sigh and held his arms open. I gladly gave him a hug. But his grip on me was too tight.

"I'm sorry that I have to disappear again, I'll try to make it back soon, but things are unpredictable." he murmured into my hair. I nodded my head, hoping that my tears would be disguised in his damp shirt.

"When you get back, you have to tell me everything." I said quietly. He nodded again into my hair. Letting out a sigh he let go and continued to walk on ahead. When I caught up to him he was angry again. And let me tell you- Ethan is SCARY when he is angry. We entered the courtyard and the stables. He grabbed his horse and hoped on.

"Conrgrats, you made it." I said with a small smile. He smiled back, but not his usual joking smile.

"I'll miss you too." he said to my unspoken thoughts. I nodded my head, and continued to stroke his horse's neck. But he still didn't go. I looked up at him, the question poised on my tongue. And then he did what only Ethan would do- kissed me-on the mouth this time. And then without farther ado, he rode off. I watched him go and then on shaky legs I went to find Nicole.

**Okay, this one is from **_Chapter 9: Finally_** And this was my original scene for the Princess and Ethan's dance scene… it's a bit nice and less funny than the edited, but then again, it never got to Nicole!**

**-Ethan-**

"_Sorry about Nicole." She says smiling sheepishly. I say nothing, wondering why her voice sounds familiar._

"_Sorry about adding water to your punch." I say. She looks up startled._

"_You mean you weren't actually spiking it?" she asked me. I smiled._

"_Now really love, why would I ever do such a thing?" my accent is getting on my nerves! You know that it is bad when your own voice annoys you!_

"_Well you never know." _

"_Point…So…" I say._

"_Have you seen someone named Ethan?" she blurts out. I freeze what the fu- sorry not a family word, _**_I think I'll go Barney on ya'll too, except I want to be Jeff from Blues Clues...That's the dude's name right?_**_- what the FUDGE?!_

"_uhhh….why??" why is the princess asking about me? Holy shit this is getting weirder and weirder!_

"_I was supposed to meet him here." Her? What did Mel do? _**_I didn't think she had it in her to be diabolical. (I'm so proud of her! i must have rubbed off on her! and Mildred always said that i was a bad influence!) _**_Well guess it is time to come clean._

"_You know how I'm British and such?" I asked her she laughed. "well I've been lying to you."_

"_I know! Your accent isn't English! It's Australian!" well dress me up and call me a llama, this girl is stupid!_

"_Yeah…I guess. _**_Just put me on top of an alligator and call me Steve,_**_" I say instead._

"_So about this guy are you sure that-"_

**-Ethan-**

"What is my lovely partner's name?" she asked me. I looked at her. Was she serious? I wasn't that stupid, I could totally see through her fakeness. Maybe my mother with Mel had softened me up?

"Evan." I said. She looked startled, almost like she hadn't expected me to say that name, but another.

"I do believe that you must return the favor, highness." I replied quietly.

"Ella." she said simply. I nodded my head. Feeling eyes on me. Her shoulders were tense under my hand.

"What has you so tensed?" I asked.

"I could ask you the same."

"I asked first."

"My castle."

"And I care?"

"Fine! If you must know I would rather be with someone else right now." _yeah you and me both sister._ I thought.

"Your turn." she replied.

"I was expecting to meet a nice person, not the snow queen." I said.

"Oh really, I am truly sorry to disappoint you.**_After all, I am only the sapphire queen. I may be rich, but I still can't make snow blue instead of white,_**" She said coldly.

"Oh, my dear, you have in so many ways.**_And trust me, it's not the getup,_**" I responded. Why did I even say that? Her green eyes glinted at me.

"How so?"

"That's for me to know," I said, tapping her nose, "and you to wonder." her nose wrinkled.

"Since when do the maids here were pearls on their slippers?" I asked. Oops, did I say that? I have an annoying habit of saying what I'm thinking sometimes.

She seemed to be shocked out of her perfect masked, the look she gave me was fearful,

"Why do you ask?"

"No reason, I just saw a maid wearing pearls on her shoes, and I'm curious."

_XOXOXOXO_

**A/N- there were bunches of others but these were the best. A know what so awesome about this story? I wrote it and every time I read it it makes me laugh! So thank you sooooooo much to EVERYONE who ever review, looked, added us some where ect! I think we are done with Ethan, but if you know what you're looking for he'll be popping up randomly in my stories (Check When the Moon Rises and Spinning Gold.) and I'll do it in a way so that its obvious if you know what your looking for! So thanks again to everyone for everything and im glad you liked the plot enough to deal with all of our bipolar characters, if you have any questions (such as- what ****does**** Ethan look like? What was up with the fish? What happened after this? Did they have a kid? Where the hell did the horse go? Ect) what so ever ask them, I might even have to do a FAQ. **

**PS: (FROM THE BETA) Guys, idk about you but I love Ethan so much that I just can't let him go! So I'm trying to get enough out of Rachel for an epilogue! But we could definitly use a little help from you guys. We need a little imput for our gaps and I think you the reader, who has their own individual Ethan antics, could definitly help pull this one out of the gutter! Send Rae your best Ethan antics/ scenes for an epilogue and they may just get in! And I, if I may be so bold, would also like to thank you guys for loving Ethan the way Rachel and I have. Everything else she said above, ditto here! WE LOVE YOU GUYS! **


End file.
